Facebook Man Law #3

Technically, this will be Facebook Law #3 (if we're counting the first Man Law and the second Law) but this one might be the most important one so far. So listen up fellas!

Facebook Man Law #3: No (presumably) heterosexual male is allowed to POKE another (presumably) heterosexual male on FaceBook under any circumstances!!!

Homosexuality Clause: If the recipient is straight and then sender of the "poke" is gay, then the law still applies. If the recipient is gay and the sender is straight, then the sender is now automatically gay. If both parties are gay, then the law is in-applicable.

Fellas, I do not care how nice/cool I am with you, if you are in the closet, out-of-the-closet, or undecided of where you want to be, do not interpret my niceness as an invitation to poke me on FaceBook. That shyt is beyond my threshold of things I will tolerate from gay, kinda, or "hasn't yet realized they are gay" male friends. I do not want to log into my FaceBook account and see that "Dexter St. Jacques" has poked me. Right after I say "no this mf-er didn't!" I'm going to automatically remove that questionable shyt and then re-evaluate my friendship with you. I will admit that I have come a LOOOOOOOONG way in getting past my homophobias but your boy has to draw the line somewhere. Seriously!

You are going to turn this...

Guy to his boy: "Yo man Cherese just poked me on FaceBook. I think she got a thing for the kid!"

To this BOWLshyt...

Guy to his boy: "Man this m*ther*fcker D done changed his name to 'Delicious' on FaceBook and had the audacity to f*cking poke me (pause)!!! I might smack the sh*t out this bama when I see him!"

Get it? GOOD! Chances are I'll still be cool with you whether you like guys/girls/animals/whatever but like I said, I gotta draw the line somewhere. Please respect my InterWeb personal space by refraining from doing something as questionable as "poking" me on FaceBook. That just sounds wrong even thinking about it, let alone typing it, saying it, or seeing it on my FB home screen. I wanted to smack my computer off the desk when I saw that crap!

And if this post makes you feel some kinda way I'm talking to your poking a$$ (pun intended)!

Facebook Law #2

The first Facebook Law was a Man Law. This one is just a general Facebook Law to follow.

Facebook Law #2: No one shall post a profile picture that is not up-to-date (specifically, more than 2 months old).

This applies to males and females and those of you who can't decide either internally or ostensibly which side of the gender tracks you're on. Stop trying to post profile pics from 87 pounds ago or back when you "used to have it." There should be a statute of limitations on how old a profile picture can be for you to put it up on Facebook. Anything older than 2 months old is not allowed.

Why 2 months? Because 2 months is not enough time for the average human being to lose more than 30 pounds (and that's pushing it) or recover from trans-gender surgery. You might be able to change your hairstyle or wardrobe in two months time but there's now way you're swapping an outtie for an innie (or vice-versa) in 60 days and fully recovering. And if you lose 30 pounds in two months you either had gastrointestinal surgery or are smoking crack.

If you want to mislead people and create a fake fantasy world online you should start a secondlife.com account. Otherwise, keep it real because you're not fooling anybody other than yourself.