The glove will probably fit this time

O.J. Simpson is either one of the most stupid people on earth or one of the craziest people on earth. And I hate to call him stupid or crazy but if the glove fits...

Anyway, if you probably killed your wife and her *friend* several years ago and (thanks to the late Johnny Cochran) beat the case, you'd probably lay low. You know, keep a low profile, stay out of the limelight, move to the Philippines. Stuff that normal people who get away with murder do. Especially after a civil suit rendered you d@mn near broke (lost $33 million) and your public reputation is that of a creepTASTIC, weird, pervert who probably killed your wife and her *friend*. And considering the fact that his penchant for violence seems to have been passed along to at least one of his kids, maybe they could both attend anger management classes together.

If you or I were in O.J.'s Bruno Maglis, we probably wouldn't release a book describing/postulating how we would have killed our significant other and his/her *friend* if we did in fact kill our significant other, even though we probably had done just that. And we also wouldn't gather a group of armed men to get back some of our stolen sports memorabilia that's probably not worth all that much to anyone other than us anyway. YOU or I (read: a normal person) would not do any of these things.

But O.J. Simpson... He'd definitely do it.

I've got to say that Orenthal is pretty daggon incorrigible. It's obvious that this guy thinks he is above the law. Perhaps it's due to the fact that he probably killed his wife and her *friend* and Lance Ito and company believed him. Well not so much Lance, but those jurors. For someone to think that they can gather a group of guys that he "met at a wedding cocktail party" and go strong-arm an auctioneer for some shiddy memorabilia items is pretty loco. I wouldn't even gather my squad to go get my CD collection back if someone stole it. And my CD collection is arguably worth as much as O.J.'s sports memorabilia (probably). Now that I think about it, that glove from the trial is probably worth more than any of his sports artifacts.

But back to the silliness that is Mr. Simpson. He met these guys at a wedding cocktail party! That's like meeting some guys at a funeral repast and asking them to go rob a liquor store. Dressed undoubtedly in suits or tuxedos, did they even look like they could pull this off? Way to recruit O.J.! And on top of taking the law into his own hands and getting a group of guys together to take back what is only allegedly his memorabilia, Nordberg Thomas Riccio actually recorded the so-called "sting operation". Granted, I can't imagine that the police would have been rushing to help O.J., but did he really think he was gonna pull off this Soprano-esque mission? This is some crap you'd expect Maurice Clarett to pull.

Considering that he met these guys at a wedding cocktail party (I still can't get over that) and they were probably all hammered, can you imagine how that conversation went? I can...

O.J.: [Creepy as usual] Hey fellas, nice to meet you.

Random guys: [Not really wanting to talk to O.J.] Yeah, wassup O.J. We gotta run-

O.J.: Hold up fellas! It's me, "The Juice"...Hertz commmercials...Nordberg! Gimme a sec' to talk with ya.

Random guys: [Still creeped out but feeling pity for O.J.'s lonely azz] Uh, okay.

O.J.: I know we're all pretty drunk and I just did three lines of coke but how about you guys come help me out with a little reconnaissance mission? Or I'll kill ya! [Laughs...]

[Random guys look nervous...]

[Note that O.J. would have totally used reconnaissance improperly b/c he's slow like that.]

O.J.: Sike, I'm just joking guys. You know I didn't do it anyway, right?

[Awkward silence...]

O.J.: Whatever. Come on guys, help me out here! I've got some *connections* here in Vegas, we can all be winners. Come on baby! You know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Random guys: [Scared, but dumb and money-hungry] Okay O.J. but under one condition.

O.J.: What's that?

Random guys: No muck-ups like you did in those Naked Gun movies. You were pretty clumsy dude. Oh, and one other thing...Don't kill us!

O.J.: [With typical sadistically creeptastic O.J. facial expression, and crossed fingers] Sure!

So after these guys run their audio-taped "sting operation", O.J. gets questioned by the police and afterward he makes this statement jokingly to a reporter of the L.A. Times:

"I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas!"

That right there pretty much sums up the recklessness that is O.J. Simpson.

Naturally, O.J. was arrested soon thereafter and charged with crimes "related to armed robbery" (and God knows what else at this point) and resides in jail in Vegas (with no bond/bail...Yet.) as I type this post. My question is, how do you arrest someone for charges related to a crime? What exactly does that mean?

Anyway, I figure the authorities will go ahead and try him for this/these *crime(s)* and throw in the murders of Nicole and Ronald again just for good measure. They gotta get this fool on something, right?

So in lieu of the fact that O.J. doesn't have money like he used to and will probably not have the "Dream Team" of lawyers he had during his murder trial, here's to "The Juice". This was probably a long time coming considering how O.J. was probably a marked man by the laws since he beat that murder (w)rap. Then on top of that he was smug and decided to release that stupid book. And on top of that, he tries to take the law into his own hands and pull some dumb -ish like this. O.J. you are making it more and more difficult for Black folks to take up for you unconditionally. You are messing it up for people like R. Kelly, that's for sure. You are pretty much on Clarence Thomas status, buddy!

With all that said, let's all bid farewell to Orenthal James Simpson. The great football player, the actor, the alleged/acquitted murderer, the idiot. O.J. is 60 years old so anything more than 10 years in jail pretty much means the rest of his life is wasted unless he goes all Farrakhan or Tookie on us (not that either of those are bad things). But you see what happened to Tookie and Farrakhan got his million bucks from Negroes in 1995 and ain't give us no type of receipt whatsoever. If I'm going to subsidize your retirement and vacationing you could at least give me a receipt so I could write that -ish off! Anybody else wondering where that Million Man March money went and where the bean pie money goes? I've got a theory. Probably into those futuristic azz 3-piece suits that MUST have personal ventilation and air conditioning systems in them because those guys sell bean pies and newspapers in equator-ish heat. But as usual, I'm getting off topic. Back to O-Jizzle. I must change my statement about his time potentially being wasted. His time would not be so much wasted time as it will be time spent avoiding getting tackled from behind. But nevertheless, what a pathetically lame way to go out! Clinch and squeeze homie.

I wonder how Plies feels about this.