Wednesday, December 27, 2006

HYPHY 101...Lil Wayne plays the guitar? There is a limit to my "gayness" but not Kobe Bryant's

"Ghost-ride the whip / Now . . . Scrape / Put your stunna shades on / Now . . . Gas, brake, dip, dip" - E-40
Since I decided to get hyphy this morning and ghostride my whip on the way to work this morning, I thought I'd drop some HYPHY on you guys this morning.

Back when the video below came out I blew it off like any other hyphy-related song I'd ever heard. But my friend Brandi loved this song and I can specifically recall at least three times when this came on and I was at her house and this video came on and she just broke out dancing. Not in a wild, overly-hyphy way, but in a sexy, fun, "d@mn I wanna seee that again" way. Since then, the song has grown on me because I think of her when I hear it. So without any further adieu or me showing how pathetically single I am right now, here's the video:

E-40 and Keek Da Sneak - Tell Me When to Go (ie - Hyphy 101)
(For the hyphy 101 instructional manual, skip to about 2:25)

The beat to this song is so-so addictive, but I could do without Keak Da Sneak (or whatever his name is) rapping. Naturally, this "movement" has spawned hyphy-spinoff's like Jagged Edge's "Stunna's". And of course, there's always the #1 Stunna (wah-w-w-w-waahhh!), which is completely un-related other than the name.

For a more formal look at what HYPHY is all about, check out this Washington Post article.
As if kissing isn't enough...

Lil Wayne and Baby serenade each other about their "leather being soft" (You're with me, leather).
"If you don't hop down off that buttersoft [leather] shyt wit ya shoes/Imma step on the gas/" - Jay-Z

Despite my sarcasm, this is the hardest (no Tony Homo) video out right now. It's quite random (much like this blogpost), but that's what makes it dope, I think.
Happy Feelings in the AIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR

Today I realized that there is most definitely a limit to my outward expression of happiness. And here it is below:

These guys are obviously elated about their junk being in each other's faces (as opposed to a box) or perhaps winning some sort of football soccer match. However, this is a complete no-no and is quite possibly the TEH gay-est thing I've ever seen! And you all know how I feel about TEH gay-ness.

Friends, family, and loved ones, you can rest assured that I will never at any point in my entire lifetime be happy enough to express it in that manner. And I am definitely using the word NEVER!
"What's under the Oops? A white girl..."

My XMas gift for the ladies...

Photo Courtesy of

More quotables:

"Gilbert Arenas thinks this is not a 'quality shot'"

"This will get him that street cred he's been looking for."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Meanwhile, in "D@mn, that's fugged up" news...

Saddam Hussein is set to be hanged within 30 days.
"he must be hanged within 30 days for the killing of 148 Shiites in the central city of Dujail...'From tomorrow, any day could be the day of implementation.'"
Is it just me or does this seem like it happened real quick? Those Iraqi courts don't mess around I see.

I guess he, Mel Gibson, and that Iranian crack-baby all have their fates awaiting them.

Winter in Miami: On Some Real -ish

Hopefully I can avoid crossing over to Rick Ross' side of the bridge. I need the following in my life (go 'head and hate Dane) this weekend though because it's THAT TIME again!

Yeah, I know this is pretty much one of those typical "why hip-hop is dead" songs, but whatever! If this shyt comes on this weekend while I'm partying, I might spontaneously combust!

To summarize, there are 4 days until I head to Fort Lauderdale/Miami and then Key West and Calica, Mexico. In the words of my man Randy, "this is going to be MONUMENTAL!" DANE, holla at me MANNNNNN!

You know I'm itching to go and ready to get these last few days of work overwith! It's been a minute since I've been to Miami so you know I'll be having fun-fun-fun. Speaking of, a few photos from the last trip are below:

For those of you wondering where the ladies are...

Makes you want some more of that XMas ham, doesn't it? Anyway, contrary to what it looks like, she actually has on some sort of invisibly beautiful bathing suit bottom piece of dental floss. Man, the digital zoom and those 3 megapixels are SO worth it!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Fire up the "Hibachi": Gilbert Arenas has NEVER seen a shot he didn't like

A couple late updates:

1. Gilbert compares his numbers to Mamba's:
"But if you go year by year, number-wise, what’s the difference between me and Kobe? He had Shaq. He got three rings. Other than that, my numbers are blowing his out of the water the first six years in the league."
This should be interpreted as "Kobe's a punk!"

2. Arenas now shouts the phrase “quality shots” in response to Kobe Bryant’s comments following Arena’s 60-point game against the Lakers.
Last night I had the luxury of staying home, relaxing, and watching television all night. I was a little upset that the Nuggets game wasn't going to be on TV because I think that I (along with every other basketball fan in the country) wanted to see AI's Denver debut LIVE and not just the highlights on Sportscenter. But I digress.

I was glad to know that the Wizards/Suns game was going to be on ESPN. So I decided that I'd settle in for the night and watch (what I expected to be) a very fast-paced and high scoring game. Needless to say, the Wizards and Suns did not disappoint.

But the point of this post is for me to give Gilbert "Hibachi" Arenas some well due respect for just how good he is. Yes he jacks up about 25 shots per game (24.4 I believe)! Yes he is probably the most eccentric/quirky/weird player in the NBA right now! Yes he creates "chips" on his shoulder in order to motivate himself to play games! And yes, he is a top-tier player in the NBA right now.

Last night, Gilbo (a name my friend Brandi came up with for Gilbert...I call him that or G-Renas) poured in 54 points with two of the NBA's best defenders guarding him the entire night. Shawn Marion and Raja Bell were draped over Gilbo for just about every possession the entire night and this guy still managed to pour in 54 points hitting jumper-after-jumper and making drive-after-drive to the hoop. At one crucial point in the game he went to the hole, got fouled, and laid a soft basket in high off the glass (like were Earl "The Goat" Manigualt jumped to get that quarter) for the "and-1". It was a beautiful play, but it wasn't his best. Later in overtime, G-Renas hit a crucial 3-pointer from the top of the key with a defender in his face and to top that off, it was a bank shot off the glass. I was completely flabergasted at the shot. But this guy's just THAT good!

Everyone in the league knows that the Wizards play absolutely NO DEFENSE whatsoever, so Gilbert, Antawn Jamison, and Caron Butler have to have 20+ per night to win consistently. And when these guys are on, they're on! And Gilbo usually leads the way (he is the 3rd leading scorer in the NBA right now).

Earlier this week, against the Lakers, Gilbert dropped 60 on punk-azz Kobe. After the game, punk-azz Kobe complained about Gilbo's shooting saying:
"But him individually, it's funny. He doesn't seem to have much of a conscience. I really don't think he does. Some of the shots he took tonight, you miss those, and they're just terrible shots. Awful. You make them and they're unbelievable shots. I don't get a chance to play him much, so I haven't gotten used to that mentality of just chucking it up there. He made some big ones, but I'll be ready next time."
Ex-squeeze me?!?! YOU haven't gotten used to what? Dude, you scored 80+ in a game last year! WTF are you talking about? I guess this is Kobe's way of saying, "You got me this game." Yet another example of Kobe's b*tch-osity. But unfortunately for Gilbo, it probably means that Kobe is going to put the clamps on him defensively the next time they play.

Needless to say, Kobe's comments completely shocked me because Kobe Bryant is one to point the finger about someone jacking up shots selfishly. But I guess it takes one to know one. My point in this post is just to give G-Renas some credit for how great he's been playing lately and for carrying my favorite team all season and hopefully far into the play-offs. Even with all his weirdness and awkward facial expressions, he's still one of my favorite players in the NBA to watch.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

This is MOST DEFINITELY going somewhere on my list of "Wifey Prerequisites"

While this (from NaS' album release party) is actually a human candle and not a cake, I think I'd still eat that!

Birthday Parties are my favorite...

This morning as I awoke out of my drunken stupor I realized that out of all the parties I've been to recently (thought there are not that many to compare), my favorites have been birthday parties.

Last night Vinny and I went out to celebrate his birthday (which is actually today - HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOMIE!). I wasn't in a partying mood, but I gave my man my word that I'd go about a week and a half ago, so I went. To my (pleasant) surprise, I actually had a pretty good time. Check out a couple flicks we took last night below. As you will notice, Vinny's azz was flyer that a pelican!

I think dude in the middle is Vinny's barber. Homie was d@yum sure ready to party though. I met him for the first time last night and of course I can't remember his name though. I have some serious name-remembering issues (shot out to Sarah).

The pictures DO NOT do a good job of showing you just how well-coordinated my man was last night, so I gotta run it down...
  1. He has on the all white blazer with airbrushed pin stripes. The back of the joint has a NY symbol on it (he's from Queens) and reads "QUEENS". Dare I say, this joint caught hellattention (read it again, I just created that word, 'hellattention').
  2. He also had on an airbrushed t-shirt under the blazer to complete the hip-hop/street/"grown-and-sexy"/whatever look. LOL.
  3. He had on traditional blue jeans but he also had on some tennis shoes I have never seen anyone else with before (on that NY -ish). They were white and blue to match his overall ensemble and they had a duck/pelican or something on them. Fly azz shoes!!
  4. Last but not least he had on the "I hate seeing bamas with sunglasses on at night" shades. I personally cannot stand the whole "shades at night" thing because I think it's extreme posing, but I can't stop everybody else from doing it. Vinny did a good job of pulling it off last night though. When you have on what he had on, you may as well have on the shades to complete the whole outfit.
Honestly, I wish I had more pictures but you know guys can't be up in the club taking pictures of one-another. That shyt looks suspect! LOL.
DANE: Less than 10 days mayne!!!!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Probably my #1 TV moment of all-time

Ya'll know about this! If you don't, you better ask somebody!

Denise: "You don't like it"


LMAO! Man, Theo was ready! He had on his cologne, hammer-pants, and everything!

Miscellaneous Randomness....

Young Jeezy debuts at #1

It turns out that I put my foot in my mouth with this Jeezy prediction.
"Atlanta rapper Young Jeezy debuts at No. 1 on The Billboard 200 with his second Def Jam album, "The Inspiration," The set sold 352,000 copies in the United States, according to Nielsen SoundScan, more than doubling the 172,000-unit first week for his 2005 debut, 'Let's Get It: Thug Motivation.'" --
And I still don't have a copy.

I just hope that I am not wrong about Nasir.
A.I.'s headed to Denver: Hotel Clerks of Colorado Beware

It's just a joke (I think), but AI's headed to Denver to play with Carmelo. Right now these guys are not only the #1 and #2 scorers in the league, they are also running neck-and-neck for the title of most street credible.

For years, AI has been the most street credible basketball player on the planet. Not even Pee-Wee Kirkland has as much credibility as AI and he actually sold drugs for a living. But with that b&tch slap Carmelo threw at dude from the Knicks the other night, I'm sure young, impressionable, "gangsta corn chips" (wannabe thugs) interpreted this as the gulliest move since Chris Childs straight molley-wopped Kobe's azz.

So, imagine how much hoopla Baltimore and Hamptons' (VA) finest could cause both on - and OFF - the court! Expect both of their scoring averages to go down, the Nuggets to be a bit more competitive, and the Denver newspapers to go wild! This is going to be the biggest thing to hit Denver since Kobe hit that chick in the bung-hole. I swear he had to have watched R. Kelly's tape before he did that shyt.
I'm sorry, but if T.O. spit in my face, we'd have been wreckin'!

And yep, I most likely would have taken one helluva an azz-whooping, I can't front. But, I would have gained some respect too! T.O. got fined and everything but I really think he should have gotten suspended for this. But I guess the NFL is getting back at him by snubbing him from the Pro Bowl squad for the NFC.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Since Hip-Hop is Dead today...

Let's try to breathe some life back into it...

"To the right, to the right...Hot shyt in the playlist to the right..."

Ladies, skip this post...It's for the fellas

Since I know you're going to look anyway (well, most of you), don't say that I didn't warn you.
Fellas, I thought this was completely hilarious because it's probably something all of us have probably thought about at some time, but knew way better than to do/try (LMAO). Then again, some of you players out there may have actually pulled it off (no Pee Wee Herman).

I can't remember the name of that old group that they appear to be mocking, but this is completely hilarious!

Oh yeah, turn your volume down on this one or put on your headphones!


Friday, December 15, 2006

Credibility grew legs...and it walked right out the front door...

"You might not be a hoe, but you got on a hoe's uniform!" - Dave Chappelle
So it turns out that the girl who accused all those Duke lacrosse players of raping her is pregnant. WTF?

Matter of fact, I'm not even going to reiterate it, I'll just quote it:
"A judge ordered testing Friday to determine whether three Duke lacrosse players fathered the child of a woman who accuses them of rape...a prospect defense attorneys dismissed as an 'absolute impossibility.'"
Thank God!
"News of the accuser's pregnancy comes roughly nine months after the team party where she says she was raped by three men, but District Attorney District Attorney Mike Nifong said he believed the accuser became pregnant at least two weeks after the party."
Let me get this straight. You allegedly get raped, and less than a month later you're having sex again? What in the hell? You're getting pulverized in the media (no pun intended), you're allegedly going through mental anguish as a result of the rape, yet you find the time to spread your legs again and get pregnant? I would think that you wouldn't want to be near a dwyck for no less than the time it takes to get sized for your chastity belt! But I guess you just can't resist, can you?

I swear, some people just amaze me. What's even more amazing is that some dude actually laid up with this chick and impregnated her knowing she was "allegedly" raped less than a month prior to. Again, what in the hell?

On a sidenote, I hope this guy didn't have to up in a lot of work to have sex with her. That would be absolutely pitiful. Can you imagine his line right before he got some:
"You let them hit it, why not me?"
This whole scenario is just a complete mess!

I'm going to call a spade a spade with this one. Allow me to go out on a "limb" (yeah right) and say that maybe, just maybe, this chick is lying about the entire situation. And for a month (9 months ago) we all jumped in to have this chick's back. Just like we did with R. Kelly, OJ, and whoever else was black and we thought was/were wrongly accused. This is why I now wait on facts and details to be released by multiple reliable news outlets before jumping on the racial bandwagon. Situations like this one just make us all look silly in the eyes of mainstream America.

And as "you're sweating forgetting your lies/alibis ain't matching up, bullshit catching up" (Jay-Z)...You're credibility in general, and with your people, walks right out the front door.

Don't confuse me with Colin Powell, HOMIE!

Barack Obama wants to help us all find lust love

Barach giving the bruhs a shot-out

Peep this article about how Barack apologizes to a guy for messing up his "game."
"Apparently, Obama made a joke at the expense of a reporter at a press event a while back, and the reporter wrote a half-joking editorial about how Obama made him look bad in front of a girl he was interested in."
Then listen to Barack's actual phone call to the same individual, apologizing.

Imma translate that one for everybody (of course, right):

Dude: Hello

BO: Wassup Nick?

Dude: [jye upset for real, but...] Chillin.

BO: It's me man!

Dude: [frontin] Yeah, what's up man!

BO: Actually man, I read your article and I wanted to apologize for messing your game up. I wasn't trying to cock-block you or anything. You know I got enough of 'em anyway. But for real, if she sweating that situation, you really don't want to holla at her anyway.

Dude: [now a Obama-groupie] Yeah, you right joe. I don't even want to holla at her now that you said that. Good looking out!

BO: No doubt. I'll holla.

Dude: Peace.

Fellas, you gotta love that! I'm sure he just got the black male vote right there! LOL.

Good Morning Black Lower-Income America: NYPD catches another body

"When they hear them gunshots all the black folk go craaaazy/The black folk go craaaazy"...And Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson stop formulating ill-conceived political plans and get their panties all in a bunch.
New York City's Police Department sure is on a roll. At the rate law enforcement in NYC is catching body's I should invest in bodybags and be thankful that the volunteer firefighters don't carry guns (and the meter maids too). But now that I think about it, since the population of NY is so dense, their per capita rate of police shooting people is probably about the same as most other major cities. They do have one helluva track record though. But let me get back on topic...

First they unload on Mr. Sean Bell (rest in peace). Now they (sort of) unload on a 19-year old. I guess these guys make up for a lack of aim by firing multiple shots.
" According to the Associated Press, 19 year-old Timur Person was standing with a group of men on Walton Avenue in the Bronx around 8 p.m. when four officers in a marked vehicle approached them. While the others escaped, Person was chased into the lobby, where he tussled with the police before he was shot...Hector Suarez, who witnessed the shooting, claims that he heard police tell Person to let go of his weapon, and Person responded, 'I'm giving you the gun,' prior to being shot... Witnesses reported that at least one officer shot Person at close range...He stood over his head and he just looked down at him and he just shot four times, one, two, three, four,..."
At first read, it sounds like some sort of execution style murder, doesn't it? Well, I'm one who is reluctant to believe the first version I hear of these huge news stories so I won't formulate my personal conclusion just yet. But I will say this. When you are on the block with your boys and you have a gun on you, you're increasing your chances of:
  1. getting locked up
  2. shooting someone
  3. being shot at by someone (including the po-po's)
  4. pulling a Cheddar Bob and shooting yourself
While the police shouldn't be dumping off into negros like they're at a shooting range, everybody knows you shouldn't be tussling with 'dem boyz when you have a pistol on you. Just drop the gun and get on your knees (no Monica Lewinsky), it might just save your life!

Morals of the story:
  1. Guns look cool on TV, but in real life they're just not where it's at
  2. Stay off the block, get on the Internet (I bet you can't do it like me though...No Johnnycakes)

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Another contribution to poverty-stricken America

"Who would've thought that Starbuck's could save ghetto-America?"
Many of you probably already read my post on getting rich by helping the people of Smaltiwhore, Murdaland find out who they're baby-daddys iz. Well, I have come up with another useless and wishfully-thought idea on how to help the people of the poverty (and violence) stricken areas of not only Bodymore, Murdaland, but the entire country. Yes, I have finally come up with a plan that we can roll-out nationwide to stop the violence, increase the peace, and maybe even prevent some drug dealing!

Because I have a slight addiction to Starbucks Caramel Macchiatos, I often find myself lost in a world of pleasure inside Starbucks and eventually paying attention to the type of folks who frequent Starbucks and partake in the joys of crack-infused coffee. What I have noticed is that while there are many apparent middle-class white-collar workers who frequent Starbucks, there are no thugs or gangstas walking up in Strabucks ordering a Skim Latte with whipped cream and a shot of vanilla (or even the delightful Tazo teas they have). Not even a regular cup of coffee. Everyone who comes into Starbucks is typically polite, happy (perhaps because they're getting their fix), and non-violent. In this case, the latter, non-violent, is the most important.

My idea is to take all violent or potentially violent youth in urban America to Starbucks for a cup of coffee/espresso/whatever. The reason for this you ask? Because thugs don't drink Starbucks! My theory is that if you take an at-risk kid to Starbucks and start his/her addiction early, that they'll realize that by regularly going to Starbucks and partaking in crack-infused coffee, they could never be a thug or a gangsta. Simply because, Starbucks is not gangsta!

Can you imagine "Lil Bootstrap" and "Meatball" from around your way going to Starbucks right before they pull a drive-by? Nope! How can you take a swig of cappucino (and not a 40-ounce) right before you bust a cap in somebody? Can you imagine "Meechi" or "Black" (every ghetto neighborhood has a guy named Black) standing on the corner with their crack in one hand and a warm vanilla-nut-latte in the other? Nope! Having a Starbucks cup with you while you're on the grind will probably get you robbed.

Because the addiction to Starbucks is so strong (did I mention the coffee is crack-infused), once you treat a "gangsta/thug in training" to a hot cup of Joe, he/she will have no choice but to go back again and again and again. As a result, they'll eventually realize that by drinking Starbucks coffee they've already lost all street credibility they could have ever had. And perhaps they'll even pick up a newspaper or magazine one day while in Starbucks and realize that there is a world that exists outside of their own where people are educated, happy, and don't have to rob, cheat, steal, or lie to get by. Okay, maybe they shouldn't pick up a newspaper, but you get my point. At that moment when they see that the world is bigger than they're neighborhood and what goes on, on the block...You will have one at-risk youth saved. That friends, is my idea and my hope. Do you think this could work?

Helping the country got me feeling like a Black Republican:

3 Predictions, hip-hop style

Prediction 1: Young Jeezy dropped this past Tuesday...He'll sell 200K the first week and 50K the second week.

Prediction 2: Nas drops next Tuesday...He'll sell 300K the first week and sell 350K the second week.

Prediction 3: In 2007, labels releasing hip-hop CDs will see that they are no match for the power of the InterWeb and the new form of previewing CDs, the download. Once record companies realize that we are all going to preview these albums through "leaked" versions (whether the versions turn out to be the actual store version or not) before we go out and drop our $10-$15 on a CD, that'll be the first step in record sales going back up.

Reasoning: Diddy tried to garner the strength of the web and use it to his advantage by going extra-hard (no Loon) on myspace promoting his album, but it didn't quite work. In a way, Jay-Z tried the same thing with the "ode-to-Jigga" on the site a few weeks before his album dropped (sidenote: How wack is the MTV site? Ill.). That, combined with the ridiculous amount of Jay-Z coverage and marketing in the month leading up to his album release, was ONLY enough for him to move 650K in his first week.

With the amount of promotion he got for his CD, I think that anything less than platinum the first week should be a disappointment. If Jay can't move 800K the first week with that much promotion, how is any other artist with 1/5 of that promotion going to move anywhere remotely close to 500K in the first week? And if you've paid attention, you've noticed that since the first week, Jay's dropped off every week by an astounding amount.

I think the decline in Jay-Z CD sales should be a wake-up call for the rest of hip-hop. Think about it. This guy went on an unprecedented promotional campaign for a rapper. Videos, beer commercials, MTV specials, NBA commercials, 7 concerts in a day, etc. Yet he still did not move more than 800K the first week!

So, after listening to Nas CD, I feel bad for him already. This album is not going to do extravagant numbers the first week, but it's not because of the quality of work. The CD is GREAT! Better than Kingdom Come, but you know un-retired rappers get better promotion. But I believe that the quality of the CD Nas is dropping will cause a word-of-mouth promotional campaign among hip-hop lovers like one never seen before. Seriously, if you listen to this album and you don't like it, then you don't like hip-hop or you really have been brainwashed by the influx of coke-rap, dance-rap, or pop-hop. Just know that on December 19, it'll be resurrection day for hip-hop.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Can we really call this an XMas Party?

"I normally don't do this but ahhh, let's keep the party going"
This Friday marks the date my employer has decided to have our annual Christmas party. This is not an extravaganza, festival, jump-off, crankin'-a$$ joint, none of that. It's a typical office Christmas party.

Normally, I don't talk about my job on this here blog because I know that a couple of my co-workers (who are my friends) actually browse this thing from time-to-time. And even though I love you guys like co-workers, I ain't taking NO CHANCES! LOL. But because I know they'll probably feel the same way about this Christmas party I'm going to go ahead and put this out there.

If I seem very ho-hum about this Christmas party there are some really good reasons for that:

1. I work in a company of about 150 people. Most of these 150 are above the age of 35 years old. I'd estimate the average age at about 38.6 years of age. For a couple years I was the youngest person working here (I was 22 and 23 during those two years). Now, I'm still about the 4th youngest person working here at age 26. Partying with 38-yeear olds, that's what's up!

2. My employer is a publisher. We publish books and journals in both electronic and print formats. But the books aren't the kind that would have me raving about how much I love them. For example, one of our featured books right now is "Birds of the World". If the book was about chickens and 10 million ways to cook them, that'd be on my personal Best Seller list.

3. Aside from being one of the youngest here, I am one of the handful of minority staff members here. So I know not to expect to hear my favorite Christmas songs during this party. Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas" and anything on the Jackson Five Christmas CD. This party is probably going to have some Nat King Cole (which isn't bad) playing at best, and at worst some classical music rendition of Christmas carols. Beethoven and Tchiakovsky totally remind me of Christmas.

4. This is an extension of #2. Because we publish books, a lot of the employees here like to talk about books we sell and the publishing industry in general at these "parties" we have. Imagine walking up to someone with your Sam Adams in-hand, wanting to talk about the Lakers vs. Heat game on Christmas and how Kobe's a straight punk but you gotta respect his game on the court and how D-Wade ain't never have no affair with Hoopz....Then they kick-off the conversation by talking about the American Library Association conference they went to a couple months back. The NBA does promote reading and all that, but come on!!!

So for all these reasons, I am not really looking forward to the party but I will go because I enjoy the break from work and the pseudo social interaction. Besides, this year there's going to be Karaoke (which seems like some twisted joke from satan if you ask me), beer & wine (also courtesy of the man DOWNstairs), and a DJ. I can't believe there's going to be a DJ so I have to go just off the strength of that. I can only imagine the musical selections. Do DJs have classical music on vinyl? Or maybe this is going to be one of those CD-DJ guys. I dunno, but I am curious as I don't know what.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad does not care about Jewish people

The President of Iran WILL George Bush the button on that azz!
In an effort to beat out Mel Gibson for the title of "Most Hatred for Jewish People", Iranian President Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated today that "Israel's days are numbered".

I'm thinking: "WTF? Ho-ho-ho-hold up! You mean numbered as in we should count down?"

So in my eye, he's got Mel Gibson beat and is only behind Big A and Joe-Joe (Hitler and Stalin) when it comes to hatred for Jewish people. Now considering Mel Gibson would give me a bowl of chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side, I bet this guy would probably just let it rain and then clear me out (this is street talk for "columbian necktie"). No Álvaro Uribe. But I'm sure I'd be fitted for my necktie, especially considering this fact:
"Ahmadinejad, who has sparked international outcry by referring to the killing of six million Jews in World War Two as a 'myth' and calling for Israel to be 'wiped off the map,' launched another verbal attack on the Jewish state."
To put this statement in perspective, keep in mind that all these comments were made at an international conference questioning the Holocaust.

Yes, that Holocaust. The one with concentration camps, gas chambers, death squads, upwards of 6 million deaths, and Anne Frank.


This is like going to a conference questioning whether or not slavery took place. Or questioning whether or not that was R. Kelly in that video footage. Okay, maybe this is slightly more important to the world than R. Kelly's golden shower, but you get my point.

This is obviously some extremist bullshyt put together by a bunch of mentally retarded Iranian crack-babies because if the government's leader is this extreme, you can bet the drug/arms-dealers are off the meat rack with their product(s). Honestly, my (obviously naive and uninformed) impression was that freedom of speech in other countries wasn't as open and "free" as it is in the U.S., but I guess I'm wrong. When you're the President of Iran - a country bound to pull some Osama type mess at any time - I guess you can say whatever the heck you like.
Sidebar: After re-reading my quote at the top of this post, wouldn't it feel weird to say "Obama the button"? Random, I know.

Shot out to the Golden Girl (no Jim Jones) for sending me the link to that article.

Will & Jada: Gotta love 'em

After reading an article last night in Entertainment Weekly about Will Smith's new movie, "The Pursuit of Happiness", which co-stars his son, Jaden (which I think is cool as hell), I was definitely inspired to go see the film even more so than I already was. Will is one of my favorite actors and also one of my role models (yeah I'm grown with role models, and what?). And minus all the swinger rumors and Jada's band, I think they have one of the coolest marriages in Hollywood.

In the article in Entertainment Weekly, Will kept talking about how he wanted to "do good" (as in do good for the world) and how he wanted the world to be a better place each day because he was in it. Lofty and perhaps a bit sensationalized, but yet-and-still admirable coming from a man that you assume really means what he's saying. In addition to talking about "doing good" he touched on his friendly rivalry with Tom Cruise, being able to become a successful African-American actor overseas which was pretty much unheard of before he did it, and how his son motivated him during the making of "The Pursuit of Happiness".

In my eyes, this guy lives an almost perfect life. No one's life is perfect but I can't imagine how much fun it would be to wake up as Will Smith everyday with Jada Pinkett laying beside me. When your wife is busy donating $1 million to her alma mater (and suggesting they rename it after her former classmate, Tupac Shakur) and you're starting an all-Black film company to give black producers and directors a chance to break barriers, I would definitely call that "doing good", very good!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Mel "Braveheart" Gibson: From Anti-Semitic to Apocalypto

Mel Gibson doesn't wash his hands with Moët. He does it with the blood of Jewish & Mayan people.

Despite his previous (and relatively recent) anti-Semitic comments, Mel Bin Laden Gibson is still going 14 times platinum the first week.
"Mel Gibson's bloody epic 'Apocalypto' debuted as the No. 1 weekend movie, proving the filmmaker still can deliver a winner despite his drunken-driving arrest and anti-Semitic rant last summer...But 'Apocalypto' overcame the baggage of Gibson's personal troubles as well as its difficult subject matter, which features a no-name cast in a hyper-violent tale that includes beheadings and images of hearts ripped from people's chests."
Oh how quickly "they" forgive.

"...hyper-violent...beheadings...images of hearts being ripped from people's chests"?

Isn't that what he said he wanted to do to Jews? Imagine what he'll do to my blackazz! Actually, he'll probably just "give me a bowl of chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side". That's "street-talk" for death by impalement.

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, if I were at Mel's stature and I'd have said the type of stuff he did, would I be able to rebound and successfully produce movies? Let someone like Will Smith or Denzel say something remotely close to that stuff when they're not acting and I bet you they will get their country club passes revoked QUICK! You too Bob Johnson and Tiger! Don't think you are exempt!

And to think, I effed with Sergeant Riggs.

Even the Devil keeps it crunk

Check out the video below which I found here.

I must say that while I think it's pretty cool and creative to create a video for your high school football team, I must say that the whole "devil walk" is a bit much. I mean really, the DEVIL WALK? And this is the South so you'd think that somebody's momma or daddy has enough of a grasp of some religion to tell these kids this is really not an okay thing to do. I mean come on, the DEVIL WALK. Or am I just taking this one too seriously? I know it's all in the spirit of the team but couldn't they have named it something else?

This is what happens when you watch too many hip-hop videos

Who would've thought that "Flyying High" could bring you so low/
Since when is it cool to wash your homeboys hands with Mo'/
E-go got you trippin', obssessed to be cool/
Throwing money in the crowd, man you look like a fool/
All these beautiful women, but you're self-absorbed/
Only women think you're cool, on the low is whores/
Who else flocks to money like it's not the root of all evil/
I swear shyt like this gon' be the downfall of my people/

You're in a club and there are probably about a thousand people there. There are so many beautiful women there your head is on a swivel all night. And the majority of the guys there are pretty well-dressed in their blazers, button-ups, or otherwise trendy, grown-and-sexy attire. Everyone's checking each-other out, drinking, getting ready to party.

About halfway through the night, the promoters for the party jump on the small stage (music still bangin') at the front of the club and you see what appears to be a wad of money in one of their hands. The next thing you know, these guys are all re-enacting the "Let It Rain" and "We Flyy High (remix)" videos on stage. Don't get me wrong, "We Flyy High" is a song I dance to, throw up the ballin' sign, and enjoy. But these guys are literally throwing money into the crowd and that's taking it a little too far. On top of just wack! Between the 4 of you guys standing on stage all you threw into the crowd was about $30? What makes it even funnier is that as they're throwing the money into the crowd the guy who is on the microphone is screaming: "Yeah, this his how we ball!!" $30 in $1-bills? Yeah bruh, that's definitely ballin' considering that's only $10 more than the cover charge to get into the club.

But (unfortunately) this is not where it stops.

About a half-hour after this, the same set of guys get up on stage again and this time all of them except one have bottles of Moet champagne. I specifically mention the type of champagne to make the point that they had to have Moet or something more expensive like Dom Perignon, Armand de Brokeback, or Cristal. Anything like the $7 Cook's champagne I buy to make mimosa's or Kir Royale's or simply drink champagne would not do the job. But I digress.

They all proceed to pop the corks on their bottles and one guy stands in the middle while the other three guys pour their bottles of Moet onto his hands as if he's washing his hands with champagne. Of course this creates a HUGE puddle of champagne in the dance floor but I guess that's the price of "ballin'". At this point you're in a state of stupor, shock, and awe. You honestly can't believe what you saw. But why shouldn't you believe it? I mean, that's so (today's) hip-hop, right?

This was my reality on Saturday night.

I couldn't resist making this post because these two acts really saddened, upset, disappointed, and made me laugh all at the same time.

In my eye, this is what happens when you watch too many hip-hop videos and don't have the ability separate fact from fiction. Or maybe you just like to create a fictional world for yourself when it's convenient. Or maybe the people that you have around you think that this is cool so it's become normalcy for you.

I ask all of you that read this, why is it that some people measure how cool (and seemingly important) they are by how many people they can get into a club where they putthemselves on a pedestal (literally and figuratively) to show people that they're "ballin"? It's pathetic. Throwing money into a crowd of people, regardless of how much it is, is just wack. But I guess it makes some people feel confident about themselves. And to follow that up by pouring bottles of overpriced champagne onto your boy's hands is just hilariously sad. Sad because the you actually think it's cool to pay a $100 markup on champagne. Sad because you then wasted it. Sad because you actually think this makes you cool. Hilarious because it's hard to believe someone could be so dumb or pressed to show-off.

Why do we seem to value ourselves based on how much we spend or how much money we can convince people we have? Why do we think it's cool to throw away money rather than invest it? Why? And there are still so many other questions that Saturday night begs me to ask that I won't even mention.

When it comes to beautiful women, this was probably the best party I've been to in a year or two. I swear some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen live in (or are from) the DC/MD/VA area and I am reminded of this every time I go back home and go out to party. But when it comes to fun, this party was not fun at all. All the beautiful young ladies couldn't make up for it. I can't stand an environment where everyone is obsessed with being cool or creating an aura of self-importance and self-confidence. But based on what I saw Saturday night, it appears that I am in the minority. But knowing that is what makes ME feel good and confident. I guess I like to be different. That's so (old-school) hip-hop, right?
For another perspective on this, check out Dane. He was there with me and I'm sure he has some thoughts on this too!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

A monetary review of the weekend


Getting sloshed with a friend on Friday night - $20

Partying Sat. night - $20

Dinner with the family Sunday - FREE

Staying up late to watch the CowGirls get smashed - Priceless

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Sssshhhhh! Keep it on the low: Nas album leaks...

Yep. ALREADY! The InterWeb is a you-know-what, ain't it?!?!

But while you're waiting for your copy to download, take a listen to Illmatic...You know, that album posted to YOUR RIGHT...

By the way, I think Jeezy got Nas "misconstrued, all f&cked up!"

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Damon Wayans: Idiot Savant

First this:

Damon Wayans tries to patent the word "ni99er"

You know I had a few things to say about that. For as much as we get mad at "others" for using Blacks as pawns to make money, we should be thrice as mad at this guy for trying to patent that word to sell to us and make himself rich(er). Is that not the epitome of selfishness?

Now this. Taken from
"Looks like Damon Wayans has become the first casualty of the Laugh Factory’s newly-instituted N-word free zone.

The comedian used the term 16 times during his 20-minute set Sunday night and was promptly banned from performing at the venue for the next three months, reports the LA Times.

Wayans' act referred to the racist rant of “Seinfeld” star Michael Richards that caused the N-word ban to be instituted.

'I'll be damned if the white man uses that word last. ...This is part of our culture now...don't take that from us,' Wayans told the audience.
Even before my recent realization I wouldn't have said something this stupid! Seriously, he's "claiming" the N-word. A grown and presumably educated Black man, "claiming" the N-word on behalf of the entire culture. Thanks Damon, THANKS!

"An idiot savant is a person with autism that has extraordinary skills in certain domains in spite of cognitive deficiencies in most others."

Perhaps he's comedically talented/brilliant (that might be a stretch) but morally/ethically/culturally deficient??? Cognitive deficiencies are defined as those that are "of or pertaining to the mental processes of perception, memory, judgment, and reasoning". In his case, I think his cognitive deficiency lies in judgement and reasoning. Somebody needs to tell this guy something because he's continually adding to the "what can I do next to lose any and all respect from my people" list. [I want to curse right here but I'm holding back ;-) ]

Miscellaneous Randomness....

Jay-Z's Water for Africa special

"I got rich and gave back/to me that's the win-win!"

The special really does bring to light how serious the crisis for clean water is in certain parts of Africa.
Gnarls Barkley takes a shot at your favorite rapper's favorite rapper

Puppets. I wonder why they chose puppets? My man Woo asked me if this is a shot at rappers or a shot at gospel music or a shot at both? I'd say the former moreso than the latter.
Jamaica gets the world a slave holiday resolution! Yipppeeeee!

[Let the cynicism begin...]
Mark your calendars folks. March 25 of every year is the International Day for the Commemoration of the 200th Anniversary of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. Be sure to bring your all your family members, chains, whips, excrement (to lay in), life vest, and air freshner.
[Let the cynicism end...]

The best part of this "resolution" is:
"In a statement to the assembly, Jamaica's Permanent Representative to the United Nations, Ambassador Raymond Wolfe, stressed the need for compensatory measures to address the lingering impact of slavery and the slave trade...He said it also underlined the firm resolve of the international community that such horrific acts, which dehumanised the victims of their dignity, spirit and self-worth, should never be forgotten or allowed to recur...The resolution urged member states to develop programmes to educate and inculcate in future generations, including through school curricula, an understanding of the lessons, history and consequences of slavery and the slave trade."
I'll believe it when I see it. What's amazing is that this resolution was spearheaded by Jamaica and not a country like say, the United States, who has benefited an immeasurable amount from the slave trade.
My man, DJ CD-R got the bangin' Christmas Music CDs


1. The Temptations – Merry Christmas
2. James Brown – Hey America
3. Whitney Houston – One Wish
4. The Jackson 5 – Santa Clause Is Coming
5. Diana Ross & The Supremes – My Favorite Things
6. Nat King Cole – Chestnuts Roasting On An open Fire
7. Boyz II Men – Let It Snow
8. Ashanti – Hey Santa
9. The Temptations – Silver Bells
10. James Brown – Christmas Is Love
11. The Jackson 5 – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause
12. Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby
13. Donnie Hathaway – This Christmas
14. The Temptations – The Little Drummer Boy
15. Toni Braxton – The Christmas Song
16. The Jackson 5 – Give Love On Christmas Day
17. Rockin Around The Christmas Tree
18. Smokey Robinson – Jingle Bells
19. Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You
20. TLC – Sleigh Ride
21. Stevie Wonder – What Christmas Means To Me
22. James Brown – Soulful Christmas
23. Destiny’s Child – Opera of The Bells


1. The Jackson 5 – Have Yourself A Merry Christmas
2. The Temptations – Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
3. Stevie Wonder – Someday At Christmas
4. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles – It’s Christmas Time
5. Diana Ross & The Supremes - Twinkle Twinkle Little Me
6. Ray Charles – That Spirit of Christmas
7. B.B. King – Merry Christmas Baby
8. Marvin Gaye – I Want To Come Home For Christmas
9. Charlie Brown Christmas – Linus & Lucy
10. James Brown – Santa Clause Go Straight To The Ghetto
11. James Brown – Santa Clause, Santa Clause
12. The Jackson 5 - Christmas Won’t Be The Same This Year
13. The Temptations – Let It Snow
14. Stevie Wonder – One Little Christmas Tree
15. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
16. The Temptations – The Christmas Tree
17. Vanessa Williams – Have Yourself A Merry Christmas
18. The O’Jays – Merry Christmas
19. The Jackson 5 – Frosty The Snowman
20. Ray Charles – Christmas Time
21. Whitney Houston – Do You Hear What I Hear
22. James Brown – Go Power At Christmas Time

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Don Cheadle to play Miles Davis

One of the greatest actors of our time to play one of the greatest musicians ever.

Exclusive: Cheadle Takes on "Miles"

Not only is he starring in the film, but also directing it. Wow! Don Cheadle has been one of my favorite actors since I saw Hotel Rwanda. I knew about him prior to that film, but my respect for him grew exponentially after that movie. Check him out on IMDB for his EXTENSIVE body of work (No Tom Brady). This is one of those movies I'll be checking out just off the strength of a single actor. You know, like we do for Denzel Washington, Robert Deniro, Will Smith, and (new to my list) Matt Damon movies.

FYI to America: Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks

Now that I've got your attention...

Ben Folds - B^tches Ain't Shyt Live in Nashville

In the past (ie - pre-Michael Richards) I would have probably gotten upset about this and said something like:
"This is some corny azz shyt! Why are they trying to flip a rap song into this folk/bluegrass type -ish?"

"Why are other people always trying to steal our shyt?"
But I can honestly say that the Michael Richards incident was what it took to change my outlook on all this type of stuff. Meaning, the use of the word ni99a/ni99er and the more I think about it, the use of the word b&tch. I realized it a while ago but I guess I wasn't willing to accept it until recently. That is that we (the Blacks of the hip-hop generations) seem to have it all backwards.

We look at videos like the one above as if our music or our culture is being stolen. We get mad when we hear non-Blacks say "ni99a". We think that only we can say "the N-word" without caution and that it's deragatory and hate-filled when someone else uses it. But we're wrong. Not only are we wrong, we're hypocrites (myself included)!

A video like this exposes just how stupid, degrading, misogynistic, and anti-semitic (sp?) a lot of the stuff that rappers say really is and also how silly this double-standard surrounding the word ni99er really is. When you hear someone who doesn't: 1) look like a rapper, 2) enunciate like a rapper, 3) carry himself like a rapper, or 4) is non-Black and simultaneously not Eminem (LOL)...Then all-of-a-sudden it becomes unacceptable and hurtful. I know how many times I've referred to someone as a "b&tch-azz-ni99a" or a "ni99a" in general and I have never used the former in an endearing way, ever. And being honest with myself, I know it's probably a 50/50 split as to whether or not I used the latter as a term of endearment as opposed to a term of disdain/hate. So we really have to think about how we've been using the N-word and what we've really been saying all this time.

I say all this to say that I've realized that it's time for me to stop using those type of words. I know it may not be as easy as people would like for it to be, but I am starting to buy into what a lot of the elder Blacks (and non-Blacks) have been saying for awhile now and I am going to ween myself out of it. I must really be getting either old, more mature, or more intelligent (or maybe some odd and twisted combination of the three) because I definitely watched this video and felt embarassed. Snoop should too!

Monday, December 4, 2006

Brokeback Mountain Trailer

This is quite possibly the funniest football related video I've ever seen. Funnier than any Mike Tyson video montage you could put together. Listen to the lyrics, that's all I have to say:

Does this mean I now have to start using "No Tom Brady"?

Friday, December 1, 2006

The worst part of my day today

In about an hour, I am going to be getting some sort of prostate examination type -ish. I'm sure most of you can figure out what that entails and it 'taint perty.

Some of you may know that my father passed away in 2002 due to prostate cancer. Well, before he passed he told me all that he knew about the disease and how to prevent it or catch it early. So since then I've gotten very educated on the disease and had a prostate exam a couple times. I recently had a colonoscopy and now this follow-up prostate exam type thingy today. I honestly don't know what's going to happen but I fully expect to get violated in an hour (UGGGHHHH...LOL).

Anyway, I figure that even though I hate going through this stuff I'd rather take the necessary precautions rather than wait, scared to get examined, and find out I have full-blown cancer one day. The prostate exam is bad fellas, very bad. Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction type bad. Awful, dreadful, I could go on.

But in my case it's necessary. For the colonoscopy I was put to sleep o I don't really know what went down (which makes me feel vulnerable, weird, and violated at the same time). And today I don't even know what to expect so it should be very interesting to say the least. But if I came out of the colonoscopy without a limp then I fully expect this test (which I don't have to be put to sleep for) to be at least bearable (physically, emotionally though...we'll see).

What I do know though, is that if I am going to get cancer, I'm going to beat the shyt! And I know most of you are probably thinking "He's young, why is he worrying about all this now?" I thought the same thing for a short time after my father passed. But after mentioning it to my doctor and taking her advice, I decided to take all the necessary precautions - like a prostate exam every time I get a physical - and whatever other tests she recommends. My theory is that I only get one life and if I can prolong it by getting a jump on a life-threatening disease, then by all means I'm going to do just that.

Not sure why I put all this randomness out in the open, but I guess I've got this stuff on my mind because of what's about to go down in a few. Aren't you glad I'm not chronicling this stuff like I chronicled my braces? LMAO!
PS - A colonoscopy is totally different from a colon cleansing. In addition, it will change your appetite forever. Ever since I got that procedure done, my appetite has been ridiculous. I can eat like 5 full meals a day now. Maybe I'll finally gain some weight??? (LOL)

Moments of the Week


Thursday (last) night I was at a lounge/bar to catch the Ravens game (they got wrecked by the way...Go SKINS) and after the game was over it turned into what Baltimorians would probably call a party. I'd call it, "A Baltimore Azz Party".

Anyway, while at the bar, I watching TV and who comes and sits right beside? None other than local celebrity, "Snoop" from the WIRE. I was a little shocked initially just because (I guess) you don't see big or small-time celebs in Baltimore too often. She sits beside me, speaks and says "what's good" after shaking my hand, I respond with "what's good", and that's that. Immediately thereafter, a couple guys in the club go straight into groupie mode and start coming up to her sweating her. "SNOOP! What's good? I seen you on the WIRE!" Blah blah blah. She handled it all pretty well considering she could have gotten all big-headed and took her local clebrity status to an extreme level of arrogance. But she was real cool about it. So after a couple guys sweat her, her crew of 4 dudes - who look like they're straight out of the WIRE cast as well (LOL) - come over and surround her and they all order drinks and chill. You know, normal club-goer type behavior.

I'm sitting beside her hitting "my man(s) and them" via text message to let them know I'm sitting beside Snoop "from the WIRE". So in true classic BHill form, after I send him the text message telling me she's beside me, he says:
"Better watch out for Chris nikka!"
LMAO! What ensued was one of the biggest laughs I've had in a minute. If you watch the show, you'll understand exactly why that was hilarious. If you don't watch the show, let me fill you in.

Snoop and Chris are basically hitmen for the shows biggest drug dealer, Marlo Stanfield. All they do is kill people on the show, period. But they're a very interesting duo even though that's all they do. You have to watch the show to really get an appreciation for characters who are murderers but yet seem oddly ethical at times and virile and uber-belligerent at other times. Anyway, check out the WIRE on Comcast On-Demand when you get a chance (Season 4).
Good Samaritan

On my way home last night from the bar, I was riding through Loyola College's campus like I always do. It's about 3am and I see a girl sitting out on the curb about 200 feet ahead of me by herself. I drive past her and notice that she looks stranded/lost/effed-up. So the good person in me decides to come out after I've driven about 300 feet past her and I turn around. I go back, pull up next to her and ask if she's okay. She says "Yes." I ask again and she says "yes" again. So I proceed to make a U-Turn to go back in the direction of my house. As I am making my U-e, she promptly gets up and darts across the street as if she thought I was pulling a drive-by. Weird. Well not really considering I'm a young black guy with a beard and she was a young, white woman,and it was 3am in the morning on a pretty empty street. So was I really shocked, nah. But I did have on a blazer with handkerchief intact and "hair cut, cropped, sharper than a pastor's" (shot out to Beanie) so I thought that I wouldn't come across as threatening. But who knows what was really going on with that young lady. I just hope she's okay and it felt good to offer to help.

In that same vein, I was talking to one of my best friends recently about situations like this one. He recently went to Atlanta and he was telling me about how nice and helpful the people there were for "no reason at all." LOL. My funny but honest question is: Why do people need a reason to be nice?

I think in the northern states people are so uptight because they're busy or in a rush that they're less willing to be cordial. And those of us who've been here all our lives fall into thinking and acting the same way. But my man specifically mentioned that in Atlanta if you saw someone on the side of the road, there would be people stopping left-and-right to offer help. That doesn't happen up here too often. That was a big part of the reason why I stopped to offer my help to the young lady last night. Sometimes people are in need and people will walk/ride by all day and not even offer help when they know that if that was us them that position, they'd want someone to offer help.