Facebook Man Law #3

Technically, this will be Facebook Law #3 (if we're counting the first Man Law and the second Law) but this one might be the most important one so far. So listen up fellas!

Facebook Man Law #3: No (presumably) heterosexual male is allowed to POKE another (presumably) heterosexual male on FaceBook under any circumstances!!!

Homosexuality Clause: If the recipient is straight and then sender of the "poke" is gay, then the law still applies. If the recipient is gay and the sender is straight, then the sender is now automatically gay. If both parties are gay, then the law is in-applicable.

Fellas, I do not care how nice/cool I am with you, if you are in the closet, out-of-the-closet, or undecided of where you want to be, do not interpret my niceness as an invitation to poke me on FaceBook. That shyt is beyond my threshold of things I will tolerate from gay, kinda, or "hasn't yet realized they are gay" male friends. I do not want to log into my FaceBook account and see that "Dexter St. Jacques" has poked me. Right after I say "no this mf-er didn't!" I'm going to automatically remove that questionable shyt and then re-evaluate my friendship with you. I will admit that I have come a LOOOOOOOONG way in getting past my homophobias but your boy has to draw the line somewhere. Seriously!

You are going to turn this...

Guy to his boy: "Yo man Cherese just poked me on FaceBook. I think she got a thing for the kid!"

To this BOWLshyt...

Guy to his boy: "Man this m*ther*fcker D done changed his name to 'Delicious' on FaceBook and had the audacity to f*cking poke me (pause)!!! I might smack the sh*t out this bama when I see him!"

Get it? GOOD! Chances are I'll still be cool with you whether you like guys/girls/animals/whatever but like I said, I gotta draw the line somewhere. Please respect my InterWeb personal space by refraining from doing something as questionable as "poking" me on FaceBook. That just sounds wrong even thinking about it, let alone typing it, saying it, or seeing it on my FB home screen. I wanted to smack my computer off the desk when I saw that crap!

And if this post makes you feel some kinda way I'm talking to your poking a$$ (pun intended)!

Facebook Man Law #1

I've been thinking about some things in general that should not be done on Facebook but today I realized what needs to be my first Man Law for Facebook.

Facebook Man Law #1: No man can accept a friend request from another man that has no shirt on in his profile picture.

For examples of some of the ludicrous and unacceptable stuff I'm talking about take a look below:




And just for posterity, even celebs can't pull this stunt.



SEE!

And this one is just bonus coverage because Curly has a shirt on but he still looks well, hmmmmnnnnn.


Fellas, I know you think it's attractive and sexy to show off your cuts (or lack thereof in some cases) to the ladies of Facebook. But let's be real this is really some BlackPlanet or Myspace shyt that you're doing. You're screaming for attention and I know that this lame shyt is attractive to some women but on average people are going to assume you're a self-absorbed clown, or perhaps ghey (not that there's anything wrong with that). No guy that was cool with you ten days, weeks, months, or years ago wants to be reintroduced to you by pictures of you looking like you just won a "push-ups in baby oil" contest. Save that for your personal/private collection.

To all of you guys that make your profile pictures one in which you have no shirt on or are otherwise trying waaaaay too hard to draw attention to yourself I would like to give you a stern but polite G-T-F-O-H! Before you try to request friendship with another dude (why does that make me laugh), change your profile picture! Don't worry, you can swap it back out for the ladies right after you're done, douchebag!