TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET: Cliff's Notes....

A co-worker forwarded this to me and I thought it was pretty funny. Someone actually took the time to create "Cliff's Notes" of the R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet mini-movies.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3100

Here's an exceprt from the Glossary:

Deep shit: A difficult situation.

Y’all ass is crazy: Your entire ass is crazy.

Bitch, please: Used to express disbelief at a woman’s words.

Club hoppin’: Searching for sexual encounters or cheap thrills at nightclubs

I’ma: I am going to

R U A TRUE FRIEND???

We'll see. About 20 seconds ago I realized I had a little piece of eye-crud sitting on my cheek. It was nothing major really, but then I wondered "How long has that been there? I've talked to like 10 people today already and no one said anything!"

DAMN!!!!!! Nobody said any-friggin-thing!

I mean let's be real here...If someone sees you walking around talking and having a good time and there's a big-a$$ piece of eye-crud on your face (or perhaps some dried mucous), wouldn't you want them to tell you so that you can get it off and not continue walking around like that? Man! I know I WOULD!

But NO! Nobody tells me anything. So, this is something I am going to have to add to my list of requirements for being a true friend..."Politely inform me when I have eye-crud, dried snot/mucous, or whatever on my face. This can be extended to stains on my clothing, non-matching socks, open zipper, my lazy eye is pointing the wrong way, etc." But dammit just say something! I can't stand it when I realize something like this after half a day at work. Because you KNOW people have seen it already and just ignored it! Don't ignore it, let me know. I won't mind, trust me! This is my PLEA! Ignore it on everyone else but not MOI!

NFL: Let's see if they can get this right...

This year in the NFL you've got several guys who are worthy candidates for NFL coach of the year. Here's my list (not in order of precedence):

Tony Dungy (Indianapolis Colts)...Took his team to 13 straight wins. That's enough to be considered coach of the year. The team probably could have gone undefeated in the regular season if Tony's son James had not passed away (RIP James Dungy).

Lovie Smith (Chicago Bears)...The Bears have totally sucked the past few years (actually, it seems more like decades) and Lovie Smith comes in and turns this team back into a hard-nosed, pounding football team. They're built on a great defense and an offense that can get just enough done to win (sort of like the 2000 Ravens). And Lovie Smith makes sure his guys play hard every week of the season. Nobody thought they would be where they are right now (#2 seed in the NFC) considering what people expected Philly to do this year.

Marvin Lewis (Cincinatti Bengals)...The Bengals are 11-4. Don't really need to say much more than that! Last year I think they finished 8-8...Which is like the Bucanneers of the 80's going 14-2! This year they go 12-4, possibly. That's a TREMENDOUS improvement. Personally, Marvin gets my vote. But I'm a Redskins fan (he used to coach in DC) and I live in Baltimore (he used to coach in Bmore). But even moreso than that, I like Chad Johnson's TD celebrations.

Bill Belichick (New England Patriots)...Even with all their injuries the Pats somehow manage to make the playoffs and will most likely take out one of your favorite AFC teams in round one. I have never been a fan of the Patriots, much like I've never been a fan of the Lakers of the NBA. But I know two things...You gotta respect Bellichick and Brady just like you gotta respect Phil and Kobe. Because they know how to get it done and they'll fight their hearts out trying to win. Gotta respect that. The Patriots seem to be peaking right around playoff time which has to be a great thing for coach Bellichick but a horrifying thing for the Colts. We all know the Colts history in the playoffs against the Pats and it wouldn't surprise me if they did it again this year.

Notables left off: Mike Holmgren (Seattle has perenially underachieved...It's about time); Mike Shanahan (Denver will be gone in the playoffs first round); Nick Saban (even though Miami sucks, they're above .500 which I know I didn't expect); and Mike Tice (he's big, he's kinda lame at times, but his team responded toward the latter part of the season).

Now to the more fun part of this...The wackest coaches in the NFL. I won't really dwell too much on why, but I'll give a little on each guy.

1 - Marty Schottenheimer...How do you lose with a team like that?
2 - Brian Billick...Though I don't want to talk bad about the Ravens right now because I picked them to win this week in my survivor pool...He sucks.
3 - Mike Tice...Odd that he makes both lists huh?
4 - Dom Capers...Can we say "lame duck"?
5 - Bill Parcells...Retire, PLEASE! I don't like your attitude mister!!!!
6 - Bill Cowher...I'm tired of hearing anything about the Steelers...They're not going to win a championship
7 - Norv Turner...The man looks like a turkey. Nuff said!

PHOTOS: Christmas Lights...

After an eventful weekend filled with trips to a Christmas party T's classmate was having, attending Levar and Tyra's wedding (where I got to see Lauren and Kaisha who is always missing in action), a Sunday night dinner with T, an exam, a presentation, and a written report, Monday brought about a Limo ride to Sandy Point State Park to see their Christmas lights show. Naturally, there were lots of libations and "water being turned into wine" on the ride up to honor my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Man, cheap wine is GREAT!!!

Here are some pics below...The "T is Santa" shots, and the "No matter where black folk go they find a way to turn it into a hand-clapping party" shot.

PHOTOS: Congratulations LeVar and Tyra...

December 17, 2005. LeVar and Tyra MARRIED!

This has been years in the making (ain't that right LeVar). Congratulations to you both! You are both great people and you definitely deserve one-another. I won't wish you guys luck because I know you don't need it! I have a couple pics up from the wedding below:

The Chappelle Theory

I know I'm probably late on this, but I'll post it anyway:

http://www.chappelletheory.com/

REDSKINS 35...COWBOYS 7!!!

Bored At Work: AVATAR TIME!!!!

Okay, so I was bored at work Friday and I decided to create a Yahoo! Avatar of myself. This actually turned out to be pretty tight.

I've got a couple examples below. They're as close to my appearance as possible (using the Avatar features they have). There aren't really an abundant amount of items that black folks wear. And a lot of the things there are definitely not the way black folks would wear them. But it's still nice to be able to create a virtual version of yourself. I'm sure they'll incorporate more African-American culture into the designs at some point.

Examples of my Avatar:

This one's the Fall Foilage Miguel:



This one's the Seasonably Warm Miguel:



In the Avatar interface it's more animated though, which is pretty cool. I'm thinking Yahoo! is gonna spin this feature of their Yahoo! accounts into an online version of the Sims. That would be pretty cool and interesting (to me at least).

Minnesota Vikings Sex Boat...

LMAO! I'm sorry, I can't even read the title without laughing to myself.

Anyway, in case you haven't already heard about the Minnesota Vikings sex boat scandal (LOL, there I go again), here is an article about it (read up)!

Here's the real JUICE though:

"Fred Smoot: Was seen holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women who were lying on the floor near the lounge area of the charter boat. After a period of time, one of the women got up and Mr. Smoot continued to manipulate the dildo inside the other woman.

Daunte Culpepper: Got a "lap dance" from an unidentified, naked female. During this "lap dance," Mr. Culpepper placed his hands on the naked buttocks of the female dancer.

Moe Williams: [Williams is witnessed] in the area by the downstairs bathrooms receiving a "lap dance," which involved the "dancer" dancing bare-breasted and Mr. Williams with his hands on and touching the breasts of his female partner.

Bryant McKinnie: [McKinnie is witnessed] pick up a naked woman, place her on the bar in the lounge and commence to perform oral sex on her. ... At a different time during the evening, [witnesses] saw Mr. McKinnie along with three other unidentified males receiving oral sex from four women while the men were seated in deck chairs on the boat."

The gist of it...A bunch of Vikings players (up to 30, from what i have heard) when on this boat cruise and there were strippers on the boat and the players participated in lude and lacivious acts with the strippers.

Maybe I've just been exposed to too many things in my life, but isn't this how strip clubs work? At least it's how 3 out of the 5 strip clubs I have been to in my lifetime appeared to work. Although a lot of people probably won't believe this (why they won't, I'm not sure) I'm not too fond of strip clubs.

So this morning I'm watching Sportscenter and I hear that Daunte Culpeper (QB), Fred Smoot (CB), and Brian McKinney (OT), and Moe Williams (RB) are being charged with misdemeanor crimes for their participation in this sex boat scandal (LOL). And the sound byte from the officer/lawyer citing the charges read (and I paraphase here):

"Brian McKinney participated in giving AND receiving oral sex and has been charge..."

Okay, so dude's a FREAK! Actually, this is probably normal for most people (ya'll don't want to admit it though)...And homeboy gets charged a misdemeanor for it??!!! This is illegal? WTF?

Let's think about how many people we all know would be thrown under the jail if this were truly a crime that we could all be charged with. I mean damn! Think about Monica Lewinsky. And she's but one example! Man, that charge made the entire situation even more hilarious to me. I guess we all need to remember that if we have sex, it should be safe...And it should also be legal sex if you're in the state of Minnesota!

Minnesota...A state of legal sex and also formerly governed by Jesse "The Body" Ventura...A former professional wrestler!!! His nickname is "The Body"...Come on guys, you've got to see the humor in all of this! I know I'm corny and all, but illegal sex in a state taht used to be governed by a guy nicknamed "The Body". This is some classic sh^t! I mean, it would be more classic if he were still governor, but it's still funny since I didn't figure that out until halfway through writing this paragraph...Classic like Whitney saying "Crack is wack!" on national TV.

I love it!

My skin color for yours...We can swap it out!

Taken from http://www.sohh.com/articles/article.php/7993. I gotta catch this!

"Cube explores racism with new TV show. "Black. White," a new FX reality TV show produced by Ice Cube and filmmaker R.J. Cutler is set to explore race issues by making black and white couples trade skin color. With the help of Oscar-nominated make up artist Keith VanderLean, the black couple transforms into a white pair and vice versa. In the six-part series, the two couples, a black family (Sparks) from Atlanta and a white family (Wurgels) from Santa Monica also live and interact with each other for two months. The families are sent out into the world with new identities to experience life from the perspective of another race. The show is slated to premiere in March 2006."

Soundtrack of My Life...

What is the soundtrack of your life? This question was posed by my buddy Lauren on her BLOG. I thought this was a very interesting and thought-provoking question. If I had to make a soundtrack of my life, what would be on it? Who would I leave off? What CDs, songs, artists rode that emotional rollercoaster with me over the years. Who got me hype and siced me? Who helped me through the tough times with my girlfriend(s)? Who made me want to go and break a nukka's neck?

Well, I gave it a quick 5-minute think through, and here what I came up with thus far. I am sure I'll be adding to this as time goes on...


Tribe Called Quest & Anything Wu Tang - Middle School

Biggie, Nas, and Pac - Early High school

Devin the Dude, Scarface, Rare Essence (go-go band), UGK - Junior/Senior Years of High School

Scarface, Jay-Z, Outkast - Freshman Year of College

Anything Rocafella, Erykah Badu, Maxwell, Anything Cash Money - Sophomore and Junior Years of College

State Property CD #1, Jay-Z, Christion, Dave Hollister, Jill Scott,Erykah Badu, Vivian Green, Alicia Keys - Senior Year of College

Kanye West, Freeway, Alicia Keys, Jaheim, Beanie Sigel, T.I., GAME, KEM, Raphael Saadiq, John Legend, Vivian Green, Jay-Z, Kindred, Anthony Hamilton, goapele, Young Jeezy, Lyfe - Since college graduation in 2002 until now

It's hard to say "this is it, nothing else" because I have listened to so many different CDs and songs. Also, I have listened to different genres, but they have not had the impact that these have, or should I say, they haven't had the rotation. It's interesting just to sit back and think about all those moments you had in life and what you may have been listening to during that moment, right before, or right after. Not to mention what you had in heavy rotation in your CD player or tape deck back then.

ULTIMATE HUSTLA

For those of you who are like me and are addicted to reality TV shows on both BET and MTV, you may have seen the "Grande Finale" of the BET's Ultimate Hustla last night. This show isn't really all that good, but it's pretty entertaining watching all these people run around and try to please Dame Dash.

Dame alone is pretty entertaining by himself. I mean, I have fun just counting how many times he says "pause" when he talks so that he doesn't sound "soft" or gay. Aside from that, just the way Dame speaks in general is pretty entertaining. His pronunciations and facial expressions are pretty funny.

Since the show's over, I'll just drop some of my opinions abou the show:

1. Rachel Roy...I like her. I won't hate on Dame anymore than I already have for getting with a woman like Rachel. She's badd!

2. I like the fact that Dame isn't afraid to claim his wife and show the world he's a hip-hop mogul, but also a "husband" (yes, the quotes are necessary) and that he actually does have a wife that he claims in the publi eye. I mean, why not claim HER!

3. Dashawn should have kept his hat on at all times because those braids...Wheww!

4. Brian, the winner, was pretty on point with his "hustle", but I think he tried too hard at times to be "hip-hop" and he sounded kinda corny (to me at least). Especially in the last few shows when he was feeling himself.

5. Ray IS the TRUE hustler on that show! If you noticed, he and Brian have talked about Brian's pitch to Dame and I am sure that Ray's gonna get in on that action somehow and make some bread using Brian's idea.

6. How did Tichanda (howeveryouspellthatish) make it THAT far? I expected it to be Brian, Dashawn, and Ray. But Ray's real "around-the-way" hustler side came out too early and too often.

7. Deep down I was hoping that Kira would win.

8. BIGG's actually talks!

9. Dame has a lot of connections in the business, but will he really be able to remain on that level that he was on when the ROC was on top?

10. Dashawn had the tightest idea to pitch.

11. Does the winner actually get to make money off his idea or was the point of the show just to see how much money they could make Dame?

And if you think I'm boring or not talkative enough, read someone else's opinion.

Terminator determines Tookie's Fate...

We already know Ahhhhhnold's decision has been made. But I'm not going to give my opinion on this...Imma just ask a couple questions:

1. Is it not ironic that the man who played the Terminator in 3 movies gets to determine whether or not Tookie Williams lives or dies? What did we really think would be the outcome?

2. What really makes Arnold (or any of us for that matter) qualified to determine whether another man lives or dies? I mean, how was Arnold even qualified enough to become governor? Man, where's Ariana Huffington?

PHOTOS: R U READY for some FOOTBALL!!!!

This past Saturday, the fellas all got together to play some good ole football! Imagine 17 of us together trying to play football! You know it's gonna be a time to remember. Check out some of the pictures below (shot out to L for sending me these pictures)...Oh yeah, and know that the score was 42-7 (or was it 49?). I won't say who won though ;-)

Thanks to everybody who came out!!! We gotta get another game in once the weather breaks in the spring.

LOL: Excedrine for Racial Tension Headaches

This must have been from Saturday Night Live. I am not sure though. Thanks for sending me this Tiff.

WTF: T-PAIN, PAUL WALL

What is wrong with this picture...???...??? And why do I feel disgusted when I look at it? OMG!

Next up...Enjoy people, enjoy!



LMMFAO!

The most exciting moment in the Hopkins/Taylor Fight...

Considering that the fight was pretty much boring as hell...AND Taylor won the fight when it should have went to Hopkins (but that's up for argument, I know)...The most exciting part of the entire broadcast, for me, was R. Kelly's "step-i-fied" rendition of our national anthem! LMAO!

I am not the MOST patriotic person in the world, but I understand the significance of the Star Spangled Banner. I mean, it was written right here in Bodymore, Murdaland at Fort McHenry by Francis Scott Key. Shot out to T for dropping that knowledge on me!

I understand that I am SUPPOSED to stand and put my hand over my heart when this song is played/sung. I don't always do that, but at the very least, I have the respect to keep my mouth shut and treat the song as a significant 2 minutes of time and respect the fact that it's being sung.

I also understand that you're not supposed to BUTCHER the song by turning into a rock-n-roll song, a hip-hop song, or anything other than what it is! Whitney Houston performed (hands-down, not argument) the greatest rendition of the Star Spangled Banner years ago at a Superbowl...Not sure which one, but she killed the song. This leads me to Mr. Kelly's rendition last night!

R. Kelly turned the Star Spangled Banner into "Step in the name of love!" Not only did he speed up the song as if that would actually make it sound better, but he even had two couples hand-dancing in the ring while he sang!!! This violates so many traditions it's ridiculous! I am surprised he didn't get booed more than he did after it was over.

Now, I jokingly stated "Man, he bout to do chapter 12 [of his hip-hopera's]!" But I had no idea he would do what he did. It was COMPLETELY hilarious to me. I mean, he couldn't have done anything sillier than to take a song that the entire nation knows is meant to be sang one way and one way only, and turn it into a song that sounds like it was on his last album! It was a classic moment in boxing history for me and I am sure that there were lots of people around the country pissed about it!

Fellas, GOT GAME?

Sure you do...But not as much as Smoove B!