Kobe to take his ball-hoggin ways out of L.A.

What's the best place for Kobe to go? CHI-TOWN!



Why you ask? Well, let's put this into perspective.

Today, Kobe Bean Bryant asked to be traded from the Lakers (source: ESPN.com). This comes a day after he called the team's front office a "mess" and also suggested that former GM Jerry West come back and replace his own protege, Mitch Kupchack (sp?). And it comes after Kobe's spent each year of his NBA career thus far in LA and won 3 championships with the Big Aristotle. Perhaps Mr. Anal (no johnnycakes) realized that he's not going to win a championship with his surrounding cast. Or, that without a dominant force like Shaq in the middle, he's doomed to only make it to the first or second round of the playoffs every year.

One important thing I noticed about Kobe's desire to be traded is that he ALSO said there's nothing that can change his mind and that he'll "go play on Pluto", insinuating that he never wants to play for the Lakers again. And ironically, Lakers owner Jerry Buss was arrested last night for driving under the influence. With some of the player moves he's forced in the past, you begin to wonder if he's been "owning under the influence" the past couple of years.

If Kobe does land in Chicago (one of two places he mentioned he could have signed with a couple years back) he'll become a part of one of the best young teams in the NBA. And a competitive young team at that. Who knows if the trade would require the Bulls to trade draft picks, players, or a combination of both, but the prospect of Kobe ending up in the Windy City is an interesting one.

This demand by Kobe is also interesting if not for the potential ramifications within the powers of the Eastern Conference of the NBA, for the potential social ramifications. Picture this, in Chicago Kobe could go on a rampage (remember 8 straight games with 40+ points; how about that 81 point performance) trying to prove to everybody that he is not only as good as Michael Jordan, but better. Everybody knows that Kobe thinks he's the best player in the league. Why shouldn't he? The boy is bad on that court! But in Chicago, he may be able stop all the comparisons to MJ by doing what MJ did and possibly more. Can you picture Kobe and the young Bulls winning six championships? Okay, maybe (like me) you can't. But if that were to happen, in the minds of many Chicagoans he'd probably rival MJ.

Secondly, it seems that in Chicago you can relieve yourself on under-aged girls while having sexual relations with them and get away with it. R. Kelly has already proven that if you have enough dough, you can videotape yourself giving the golden shower to kids and get the court case postponed long enough so that everybody forgets about it. Or at least pushes it to the back of their mind while you perform your job really well. In Kelly's case, it's making music. In Kobe's case, it's playing basketball. Kobe has already gotten a stripe for plunging into a hotel worker minus prophylactics and getting away with it ("Why Kobe hit that raw?"). In Chicago, he could surpass his previous exploits by taking his sexual aggression to a new low by plunging into an under-aged girl while having some sort of diabolic orgy with none other than Robert Kelly. Now wouldn't THAT be the Best of Both Worlds (part 3)?


Peep the belt...Kellz is gonna have to change that outfit to RED to team up with "Chicago Kobe".

Last but not least, in Chicago, Kobe could re-kindle his shiddy rap career by teaming up with Kanye to da (...the what?). Kanye and Kobe combining would be a sort of match made in egotistical Heaven wouldn't it? You have Kanye's supreme confidence and Kobe's unshakeable arrogance. This would be the most athletically vain piece of music created, EVAR!

Kobe featuring Tyra Banks....That right there, says all you need to know about this video.



The only downside I see to Kobe ending up in Chicago is that we probably won't get to see his wife Vanessa in those nice dresses as often. His wife is SMOKING HOT and that's about 90% of what I enjoy about Kobe Bryant. The other 10% is what he does on the court. But from what I understand Vanessa doesn't have many friends so she probably won't care if they have to move to Chicago. And since the West side of Chicago has so many hoodrats, she probably won't mind letting Kobe leave the house without his leash. In the end though, all the guys like me who love pictures like THIS (the dress is corny, I know) will be the losers. Kobe's going to WIN regardless. Except in the playoffs.