Another weekend to look forward to...Unless this rain they're predicting really does come through (rain rain go away, come again another day).
Friday:
Today, I am gonna catch Hustle & Flow in the early afternoon. I get off at 1pm and I think I'll catch a matinee show around 3pm. I heard this movie was good so I'm kinda siced up to see it!
Tonight T and I are going to the Orioles game with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's husband. This should be fun. I am geeking to eat some peanuts and drink a couple brews. I don't really care too much about whether they win or not...It's all about those ballpark peanuts!!!
Saturday:
Meeting at 2pm at my crib. Fellas coming through do discuss some biz-ness! After that we'll all be heading to a cookout/splash party a few minutes from my house. Hopefully it's nice. I really don't know what to expect. But I'm coming prepared to sip suntin and get shoved in the pool!
Sunday:
T and I are going to church in the morning. One of her friends are preaching so we're going to go to support her. I think this will be a nice service. Later on that afternoon I'll be heading to Bowie for a cook-out...Shot out to LAF!
Let's see if I can stay under $50 total this weekend. WISH ME LUCK!!!
PEACE!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
PHOTOS: FREE...KING MAGAZINE
Fellas, fellas, fellas...I present to you without any further adieu..Ms. F-R-Double-the-E!
Trina WHO?
Trina WHO?
Monday, July 25, 2005
PHOTOS: WEEKEND IN Review
So...I ate on the Blue Sea and crashed a wedding on Friday...Went UPANDUP on Saturday...And feasted on crabs Sunday. It doesn't get much better than that!
Friday...I got treated to the Blue Sea Grill in downtown Baltimore on "Restaurant Row"...Right beside high-roller spots like Ruth Chris Steakhouse and the Havana Club. The Blue Sea Grill has the aura of a modern-chic lounge. The food there was pretty good. I had crab cakes (I think Oceanaire Seafood Room and Pices' crabcakses are better) and T had some type of fish stuff with crabmeat. We ate...I had a drink (those who know me know my drink already)...And we left and headed to the movies.
The MOVIES! First off, I like Muvico Egyptian Theatres (what's that name about) at Arundel Mills...Secondly, I don't like Muvico Egyptian Theatres. I like it because it's a nice elaborate movie theatre where you have an abundance of movie selections, an abundance of food selections, and it feels like you're some place that's special. I don't like it because every weekend it's like being in the middle of a taping of some teen movie. High schoolers everywhere. It irritates me at times. But I was once one of those kids pissing off the "grown and sexy" dating adults...So I guess this is payback for me and my boys sneaking hennessy into the movie theaters and throwing bits of Twizzlers at people (G-H-E-T-T-O!!!!)
Wedding Crashers was HILARIOUS! If you like Vince Vaughn or Owen "Smushed-Nose" Wilson, you'll love this movie. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. However, the Air Conditioning in the theatre was either broke or just not on because it felt like we were in the devil's underwear in that joint! Man it was hot and muggy like D.C. in the...well, D.C. right now dammit! Horrible. But T and I sweated it out in there for a couple hours. I couldn't help but try to hold in some of my laughs b/c I felt like it was contributing to the heat. Even with the messed up circulation and stuffiness, the movie was still good! I recommend it.
Saturday...The UPANDUP 7th Annual Cookout. In other words, the Suitland High School reunion at Walker Mill Park. This cookout was packed beyond belief. There had to be at least 500 or so people there. I am glad that some guys I was really cool with in high school are making moves and people that went to school with them still come out and support. That's great. The fellas and I stopped by for a few hours and basically stood around drinking and yapping, saying wassup to people we haven't seen in a minute (some of which we were happy to see, others we were not). Me, I was there on my entrepreneurial grind as well. Saw a couple people there who wanted websites and we're in the process of trying to come to terms on a deal to work on www.upandupfashions.com. So I was discussing some business opps in the midst of all the eating, drinking, and mingling. It was a good time!
Sunday...Crabs, crabs, crabs! The Crab Feast was a TON of fun. From eating crabs to watching T's father do the "Lean Back" dance to watching about 30 people go wild (in a Bmore venue) when they put on some go-go...Man I had a ball. Shot out to JRon and Jessica for coming through from NJ. We had a good time hanging out with you guys. I'm still licking the old bay seasoning off my fingers!!!
Maryland Stand Up!!!
Sweet Cheeks...Look at that Wall Eye...JEEZ!!!
After the crab feast T, JRon, Jessica, and I went to Artscape and strolled around a little and just hung out. It was crowded but for some reason I felt really really relaxed among all those people.
It was a great weekend people! The type of weekend that makes you appreciate life.
Who knows what next weekend will bring???
Friday...I got treated to the Blue Sea Grill in downtown Baltimore on "Restaurant Row"...Right beside high-roller spots like Ruth Chris Steakhouse and the Havana Club. The Blue Sea Grill has the aura of a modern-chic lounge. The food there was pretty good. I had crab cakes (I think Oceanaire Seafood Room and Pices' crabcakses are better) and T had some type of fish stuff with crabmeat. We ate...I had a drink (those who know me know my drink already)...And we left and headed to the movies.
The MOVIES! First off, I like Muvico Egyptian Theatres (what's that name about) at Arundel Mills...Secondly, I don't like Muvico Egyptian Theatres. I like it because it's a nice elaborate movie theatre where you have an abundance of movie selections, an abundance of food selections, and it feels like you're some place that's special. I don't like it because every weekend it's like being in the middle of a taping of some teen movie. High schoolers everywhere. It irritates me at times. But I was once one of those kids pissing off the "grown and sexy" dating adults...So I guess this is payback for me and my boys sneaking hennessy into the movie theaters and throwing bits of Twizzlers at people (G-H-E-T-T-O!!!!)
Wedding Crashers was HILARIOUS! If you like Vince Vaughn or Owen "Smushed-Nose" Wilson, you'll love this movie. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. However, the Air Conditioning in the theatre was either broke or just not on because it felt like we were in the devil's underwear in that joint! Man it was hot and muggy like D.C. in the...well, D.C. right now dammit! Horrible. But T and I sweated it out in there for a couple hours. I couldn't help but try to hold in some of my laughs b/c I felt like it was contributing to the heat. Even with the messed up circulation and stuffiness, the movie was still good! I recommend it.
Saturday...The UPANDUP 7th Annual Cookout. In other words, the Suitland High School reunion at Walker Mill Park. This cookout was packed beyond belief. There had to be at least 500 or so people there. I am glad that some guys I was really cool with in high school are making moves and people that went to school with them still come out and support. That's great. The fellas and I stopped by for a few hours and basically stood around drinking and yapping, saying wassup to people we haven't seen in a minute (some of which we were happy to see, others we were not). Me, I was there on my entrepreneurial grind as well. Saw a couple people there who wanted websites and we're in the process of trying to come to terms on a deal to work on www.upandupfashions.com. So I was discussing some business opps in the midst of all the eating, drinking, and mingling. It was a good time!
Sunday...Crabs, crabs, crabs! The Crab Feast was a TON of fun. From eating crabs to watching T's father do the "Lean Back" dance to watching about 30 people go wild (in a Bmore venue) when they put on some go-go...Man I had a ball. Shot out to JRon and Jessica for coming through from NJ. We had a good time hanging out with you guys. I'm still licking the old bay seasoning off my fingers!!!
Maryland Stand Up!!!
Sweet Cheeks...Look at that Wall Eye...JEEZ!!!
After the crab feast T, JRon, Jessica, and I went to Artscape and strolled around a little and just hung out. It was crowded but for some reason I felt really really relaxed among all those people.
It was a great weekend people! The type of weekend that makes you appreciate life.
Who knows what next weekend will bring???
Thursday, July 21, 2005
This Makes ME MAD
Why is it that every corner in Baltimore city has one or more kids selling water? Why does this upset me so much? Why can't I stand to see young kids out there making a minimal amount of money on a hot and sweaty summer day?
WHY?
Because there are so many other things these kids could be doing. Why aren't there any summer camps for these kids? Why aren't there any vacation bible schools these kids are attending? Why aren't the kids in some sort of structured summer program? Does Baltimore City not have these types of programs? Do the parents of these children not have the money?
MAN, this really makes me upset for some reason!
This really makes me sad for the people of this city. When I was in high school, I remember going to the gas station around my way all the time and my younger brother's friends would be there pumping gas for people. Trying to make a few ends, either because they needed it that bad or they just wanted it. Is this the only way a kid can earn an allowance nowadays...GEEZ! This makes me question what type of household these kids lived in. How about doing some dishes, cleaning up around the house, washing clothes, taking out the trash, etc.? These are the types of things I earned money for as a kid. Things that would benefit me as a man later in life. These are small but important life skills. Is selling water a life skill? I almost want to call selling water a gateway hustle. You know how weed is a gateway drug. Selling water on the corner can turn into selling weed on the corner (in your neighborhood). Selling weed can turn into selling crack. It's not a guarantee to happen, but IT'S ALL A HUSTLE. Just on different levels. And in any city (not just Bodymore, Murdaland), kids are thrown into the adult fire at such a young age that nothing surprises me anymore. Besides, I know what I went through, took part in, and was around as a kid. And knowing that scares me because it seems to be worse for kids nowadays.
Maybe it's JUST ME, but I can't envision myself letting my son or daughter stand out on a city corner in the middle of the day, everyday, for an entire summer selling water. If I'm uppity or wrong for this, then so be it! I would like my child to be somewhere 1) a little safer, 2) more structured, and 3) where they're learning something. Bible school, summer program, summer school, at home cleaning or reading until the sun goes down, something. Just not standing out on a hot city corner selling water. But I guess I'm either looking through rose-colored glasses or I'm just a spoiled brat myself.
I'm torn about this issue because while I don't see how this can really help the kids during a summer when they could be doing things much more beneficial to their educational development or overall human development, I can't deny that I don't think they're picking up some sort of entrepreneurial skills in selling that water. I mean they are learning about profit-margins, supply and demand, but at what cost. And I use cost in the sense that, will the spirit of a typical around-the-way hustler be born on a hot Baltimore summer day on the corner of North Avenue and Howard St. Or will the spirit of an entrepreneurial hustler be born? I don't know.
It's a tough issue for me. Maybe I am just over-reacting but until someone enlightens me (feel free) I think I'm going to feel the same way.
T, you usually open my eyes at times like this. Please let me know if there's something I am missing here...
WHY?
Because there are so many other things these kids could be doing. Why aren't there any summer camps for these kids? Why aren't there any vacation bible schools these kids are attending? Why aren't the kids in some sort of structured summer program? Does Baltimore City not have these types of programs? Do the parents of these children not have the money?
MAN, this really makes me upset for some reason!
This really makes me sad for the people of this city. When I was in high school, I remember going to the gas station around my way all the time and my younger brother's friends would be there pumping gas for people. Trying to make a few ends, either because they needed it that bad or they just wanted it. Is this the only way a kid can earn an allowance nowadays...GEEZ! This makes me question what type of household these kids lived in. How about doing some dishes, cleaning up around the house, washing clothes, taking out the trash, etc.? These are the types of things I earned money for as a kid. Things that would benefit me as a man later in life. These are small but important life skills. Is selling water a life skill? I almost want to call selling water a gateway hustle. You know how weed is a gateway drug. Selling water on the corner can turn into selling weed on the corner (in your neighborhood). Selling weed can turn into selling crack. It's not a guarantee to happen, but IT'S ALL A HUSTLE. Just on different levels. And in any city (not just Bodymore, Murdaland), kids are thrown into the adult fire at such a young age that nothing surprises me anymore. Besides, I know what I went through, took part in, and was around as a kid. And knowing that scares me because it seems to be worse for kids nowadays.
Maybe it's JUST ME, but I can't envision myself letting my son or daughter stand out on a city corner in the middle of the day, everyday, for an entire summer selling water. If I'm uppity or wrong for this, then so be it! I would like my child to be somewhere 1) a little safer, 2) more structured, and 3) where they're learning something. Bible school, summer program, summer school, at home cleaning or reading until the sun goes down, something. Just not standing out on a hot city corner selling water. But I guess I'm either looking through rose-colored glasses or I'm just a spoiled brat myself.
I'm torn about this issue because while I don't see how this can really help the kids during a summer when they could be doing things much more beneficial to their educational development or overall human development, I can't deny that I don't think they're picking up some sort of entrepreneurial skills in selling that water. I mean they are learning about profit-margins, supply and demand, but at what cost. And I use cost in the sense that, will the spirit of a typical around-the-way hustler be born on a hot Baltimore summer day on the corner of North Avenue and Howard St. Or will the spirit of an entrepreneurial hustler be born? I don't know.
It's a tough issue for me. Maybe I am just over-reacting but until someone enlightens me (feel free) I think I'm going to feel the same way.
T, you usually open my eyes at times like this. Please let me know if there's something I am missing here...
WEEKEND of FUN??? I hope...
Before I get into my weekend plans, I am wondering...Why do I enjoy calling myself "MIKE BONES"? I guess this Mike Jones crap is really starting to rub off on me. Not that I even like his songs LIKE THAT ("Still Tipping" does crank though), but have I been marketed to that well? Man, that's scary.
Then again, it may be because IcyHot Holmberg at work keeps yelling out "Mike Jones" and "Chyeah" all day. Who knows?
Now, for the weekend plans. Fellas, fellas, fellas...Friday night, your boy is getting treated out to dinner. I would tell you where, but then you might get mad (J/K)! Anyway, let's just say that your boy got a hot date with T and I'm considering doing some movie hopping afterward. Like Wedding Crashers/Hustle and Flow type hopping. Friday's gonna be nice!!! Chyeah! OMG, I'm lunching.
Saturday...Looks like I'll be heading to the Chocolate City on Saturday to get my car looked at by my grandfather. Once that's all done, I'll probably slide past the UPANDUP cookout. Shot out to the UpandUp crew for doing their thang as usual! Randy supposedly has another cookout to go to so Imma roll with him to that if it comes to fruition. Once all that's done it's back to Bmore and headed to Artscape. Hopefully some of the fellas come up so they can see what the big hoopla about Artscape is about. ME, I'm just gonna try to make there in time to see VIVIAN GREEN...I can't say that without blushing. Once that's done, if we're not drained from all that walking and standing around, it might just be time to check out a club...Aqua or Mansion...I dunno. I'll let the boys decide...Whatever's FREE IS FOR ME!
Sunday...This is actually gonna be the best day out of the weekend. Sunday is the day of T's CRAB FEAST..All-you-can eat crabs, a buffet, free beer, a DJ, lots of people...Man, Imma have a ball!
Holla at ya boy on MONDAY!
Then again, it may be because IcyHot Holmberg at work keeps yelling out "Mike Jones" and "Chyeah" all day. Who knows?
Now, for the weekend plans. Fellas, fellas, fellas...Friday night, your boy is getting treated out to dinner. I would tell you where, but then you might get mad (J/K)! Anyway, let's just say that your boy got a hot date with T and I'm considering doing some movie hopping afterward. Like Wedding Crashers/Hustle and Flow type hopping. Friday's gonna be nice!!! Chyeah! OMG, I'm lunching.
Saturday...Looks like I'll be heading to the Chocolate City on Saturday to get my car looked at by my grandfather. Once that's all done, I'll probably slide past the UPANDUP cookout. Shot out to the UpandUp crew for doing their thang as usual! Randy supposedly has another cookout to go to so Imma roll with him to that if it comes to fruition. Once all that's done it's back to Bmore and headed to Artscape. Hopefully some of the fellas come up so they can see what the big hoopla about Artscape is about. ME, I'm just gonna try to make there in time to see VIVIAN GREEN...I can't say that without blushing. Once that's done, if we're not drained from all that walking and standing around, it might just be time to check out a club...Aqua or Mansion...I dunno. I'll let the boys decide...Whatever's FREE IS FOR ME!
Sunday...This is actually gonna be the best day out of the weekend. Sunday is the day of T's CRAB FEAST..All-you-can eat crabs, a buffet, free beer, a DJ, lots of people...Man, Imma have a ball!
Holla at ya boy on MONDAY!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The CHURCH...No place for ME????
This article below was very interesting to me...Thought I would share it.
No Place for Me
I Still Love God, But I've Lost Faith in the Black Church
By John W. Fountain
Washington Post
Sunday morning arrived, like so many before, with a mix of sunlight and chirping birds outside my bedroom window and a warm greeting from my tiny son, lying beside my wife and me. My wife rose quickly, announcing her plan to jump in the shower and get ready for Sunday school at the Baptist church, not far from our house in suburban Chicago, that she and our two children attend.
As for me, in what has become my ritual nowadays, I turned over and pulled the covers up around my head. Soon I overheard my 9-year-old daughter's familiar question: "Mommy, is Daddy going to church with us?"
"No-o-o-o," my wife replied. After months of my failure to accompany them, she has abandoned the excuse that "Daddy has a lot of work to do."
Sunday mornings used to mean something special to me. But I now face them with dread, with a bittersweet sorrow that tugs at my heart and a headache-inducing tension that makes me reach for the Advil. I am torn between my desire to play hooky from church and my Pentecostal indoctrination that Sunday is the Lord's day, a day of worship when real men are supposed to lead their families into the house of God.
Once, that's what I did. I am the grandson of a pastor and am myself a licensed minister. I love God and I love the church. I know church-speak and feel as comfortable shouting hallelujahs and amens and lifting my hands in the sanctuary as I do putting on my socks. I have danced in the spirit, spoken in tongues, and proclaimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. I once arrived faithfully at the door of every prayer meeting and went to nearly every Bible study and month-long revival. I attended umpteen services, even the midnight musicals and my church's annual national meetings, like the one held two weeks ago in Kansas City.
Yet I now feel disconnected. I am disconnected. Not necessarily from God, but from the church.
What happened? Probably the same thing that has happened to thousands, if not tens of thousands, of African American men who now file into coffee shops or bowling alleys or baseball stadiums on Sundays instead of heading to church, or who lose themselves in the haze of mowing the lawn or waxing their cars. Somewhere along the way, for us, for me, the church -- the collective of black churches of the Christian faith, regardless of denomination -- lost its meaning, its relevance. It seems to have no discernible message for what ails the 21st-century black male soul.
While there are still many black men who do go to church, any pastor will admit that there are far more who don't. Jawanza Kunjufu, a Chicago educator and author of "Adam! Where are You?: Why Most Black Men Don't Go to Church," contends that 75 percent of the black church is female. The church's finger seems farthest from the pulse of those black men who seem to be most lost and drifting in a destructive sea of fatalism and pathology, with no immediate sign of the shore or of search and rescue crews. Without the church, most of those men are doomed. But it seems clear to me that the church does not -- will not -- seek us black men out, or perhaps even mourn our disappearance from the pews.
Instead, it seems to have turned inward. It seems to exist for the perpetuation of itself -- for the erecting of grandiose temples of brick and mortar and for the care of pastors and the salaried administrative staff. Not long ago, a preacher friend confided: "The black church is in a struggle for its collective soul -- to find itself in an age when it is consumed by the God of materialism."
This preoccupation with the material world is pervasive, and has bred a culture that has left a trail of blood and tears in black neighborhoods across the country with little collective outcry from the church. Still, it's one thing for the world to be ensnared by the trappings of materialism -- but the church?
I am incensed by Mercedes-buying preachers who live in suburban meadows far from the inner-city ghettos they pastor, where they bid parishioners to sacrifice in the name of God. I am angered by the preacher I know, and his wife and co-pastor, who exacted a per diem and drove luxury vehicles, theirmodest salariesboosted by tithes and offerings from poor folks in a struggling congregation of families, a number of them headed by single women. This at a time when the church didn't own a single chair and was renting a building to hold worship services.
I wonder why, despite billions of dollars taken from collection plates -- much of it from the poor -- in my own denomination, I see few homes for the elderly, few recreation centers, little to no church-financed housing development and few viable church-operated businesses that might employ members or generate some tangible measure of return on years of investment. I scratch my head at the multimillion-dollar edifice a local church recently erected and wonder if that is the most responsible stewardship for a church in a community filled with poor families.
I have come to see the countless annual meetings and church assemblies, camouflaged as worship services, as little more than fundraisers and quasi-fashion shows with a dose of spirituality. I am disheartened by the territorialism of churches, vying for control and membership, as a deacon at a Baptist church said to me recently, in much the same way as gangs, rather than seeing themselves as communal partners in a vineyard with one Lord and a single purpose.
But even in an age of preacher as celebrity, it is not the evolution of a Bling Bling Gospel that most disheartens me. It is the loss of the church's heart and soul: the mission to seek and to save lost souls through the power of the Gospel and a risen savior. As the homicide toll in black neighborhoods has swelled, I've wondered why churches or pastors have seldom taken a stand or ventured beyond the doors of their sanctuaries to bring healing and hope to the community -- whether to stem the tide of violence and drugs, or to help cure poverty and homelessness or any number of issues that envelop ailing black communities.
Once, after a service at my grandfather's church in a small western suburb of Chicago, I mentioned to a visiting pastor that there was a drug and gang war going on in his community. "I don't know nothing 'bout that," he responded. I wondered why not. How could he not know about something that affected a community in which he was a "shepherd"?
When I returned to Chicago nearly five years ago, after living in Northern Virginia, where I worked as a reporter at The Post, I was eager to assist in the ministry at my grandfather's church. Within a few months, however, it became apparent to me that there was little serious interest among the leadership in connecting to the local community -- aside from the idea that they might potentially fill the empty pews. And I decided to leave, though not without first having many conversations with my grandfather about the implosion of church ministry.
And further contributing to my disappearing act is that, after being put down and put upon in a society that relegates black men largely to second-class status, the last place I want to feel that way is at church. And yet, in the church, where I have at times in my life felt the most uplifted, I have at other times felt greatly diminished, most often by insecure leaders. If such leaders feel threatened by your ability to speak or preach or teach better than they, or by the fact that you think differently from them, or by the fact that you possess some other social badge they do not-- like a college education -- then they perceive you as stealing a little of their sheen in the public's eyes. And you become subject to the same kind of shunning and subtle disconnection that I have seen and known in the professional world.
By the summer of 2002, there had been a myriad hurts and disappointments to accompany my disillusionment. When the then-pastor of my Chicago area mega-church responded to my inquiry about not being able to reach him for weeks, I was already bending in the wind.
"Do you have a cell phone?" he asked during a follow-up telephone conversation to a letter I had sent him.
"Yes," I answered.
"Then let me ask you something, John," he continued. "If you had a problem with your cell phone and you called SBC, would you expect to reach the CEO?"
His words blew me away.
Given the state of black men in America, given the number in prison or jail or headed that way; given the thousands of us who find our way to early graves and the black men on the other side of the guns who send us there; given the number of us who seek solace in a bottle of liquor or in illegal drugs; given the number who silently cry ourselves to sleep at night, it seems that we would make for a plentiful harvest for a church really seeking souls.
I suspect, however, that as long as our wives, our children and our money flow through the church's doors; as long as there are still a few bodies to fill the seats; as long as the church can claim a semblance of relevance to the community; as long as some of us on the outside loom as potential critics of the direction, heart and stewardship of those black men charged with leading the church, very few are likely to ever come looking for us.
I could be wrong. My criticism might be too harsh. But it is no harsher than my pain.
And so I have taken some solace in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who, more than 40 years ago in his "Letter From a Birmingham Jail," wrote that the church was in danger of being "dismissed as an irrelevant social club." "In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church," he lamented. "But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church."
So do I.
And come Sunday mornings, especially on Sunday mornings, I miss the rev of the organ. I miss the spiritual song drifting through the sanctuary. I miss the sight of the gray-haired church mothers in their Sunday regalia and their warm embrace after service. I miss the sound of a spirit-filled choir whose song can be a salve to a hurting soul. I miss the beauty of worship, of lifting my hands in the awesome wonder of fellowship with my sisters and brothers in Christ gathered in the house of God with my family.
"Imani, have you said bye to Daddy?" my wife called to our daughter.
"I already did," she answered.
Actually, we hadn't said goodbye. A few minutes earlier, I had called her upstairs and given her a dollar for Sunday offering and hugged her tight, unable to address her question about why Daddy doesn't go to church anymore.
Perhaps I will explain one day. Or perhaps I won't have to.
No Place for Me
I Still Love God, But I've Lost Faith in the Black Church
By John W. Fountain
Washington Post
Sunday morning arrived, like so many before, with a mix of sunlight and chirping birds outside my bedroom window and a warm greeting from my tiny son, lying beside my wife and me. My wife rose quickly, announcing her plan to jump in the shower and get ready for Sunday school at the Baptist church, not far from our house in suburban Chicago, that she and our two children attend.
As for me, in what has become my ritual nowadays, I turned over and pulled the covers up around my head. Soon I overheard my 9-year-old daughter's familiar question: "Mommy, is Daddy going to church with us?"
"No-o-o-o," my wife replied. After months of my failure to accompany them, she has abandoned the excuse that "Daddy has a lot of work to do."
Sunday mornings used to mean something special to me. But I now face them with dread, with a bittersweet sorrow that tugs at my heart and a headache-inducing tension that makes me reach for the Advil. I am torn between my desire to play hooky from church and my Pentecostal indoctrination that Sunday is the Lord's day, a day of worship when real men are supposed to lead their families into the house of God.
Once, that's what I did. I am the grandson of a pastor and am myself a licensed minister. I love God and I love the church. I know church-speak and feel as comfortable shouting hallelujahs and amens and lifting my hands in the sanctuary as I do putting on my socks. I have danced in the spirit, spoken in tongues, and proclaimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. I once arrived faithfully at the door of every prayer meeting and went to nearly every Bible study and month-long revival. I attended umpteen services, even the midnight musicals and my church's annual national meetings, like the one held two weeks ago in Kansas City.
Yet I now feel disconnected. I am disconnected. Not necessarily from God, but from the church.
What happened? Probably the same thing that has happened to thousands, if not tens of thousands, of African American men who now file into coffee shops or bowling alleys or baseball stadiums on Sundays instead of heading to church, or who lose themselves in the haze of mowing the lawn or waxing their cars. Somewhere along the way, for us, for me, the church -- the collective of black churches of the Christian faith, regardless of denomination -- lost its meaning, its relevance. It seems to have no discernible message for what ails the 21st-century black male soul.
While there are still many black men who do go to church, any pastor will admit that there are far more who don't. Jawanza Kunjufu, a Chicago educator and author of "Adam! Where are You?: Why Most Black Men Don't Go to Church," contends that 75 percent of the black church is female. The church's finger seems farthest from the pulse of those black men who seem to be most lost and drifting in a destructive sea of fatalism and pathology, with no immediate sign of the shore or of search and rescue crews. Without the church, most of those men are doomed. But it seems clear to me that the church does not -- will not -- seek us black men out, or perhaps even mourn our disappearance from the pews.
Instead, it seems to have turned inward. It seems to exist for the perpetuation of itself -- for the erecting of grandiose temples of brick and mortar and for the care of pastors and the salaried administrative staff. Not long ago, a preacher friend confided: "The black church is in a struggle for its collective soul -- to find itself in an age when it is consumed by the God of materialism."
This preoccupation with the material world is pervasive, and has bred a culture that has left a trail of blood and tears in black neighborhoods across the country with little collective outcry from the church. Still, it's one thing for the world to be ensnared by the trappings of materialism -- but the church?
I am incensed by Mercedes-buying preachers who live in suburban meadows far from the inner-city ghettos they pastor, where they bid parishioners to sacrifice in the name of God. I am angered by the preacher I know, and his wife and co-pastor, who exacted a per diem and drove luxury vehicles, theirmodest salariesboosted by tithes and offerings from poor folks in a struggling congregation of families, a number of them headed by single women. This at a time when the church didn't own a single chair and was renting a building to hold worship services.
I wonder why, despite billions of dollars taken from collection plates -- much of it from the poor -- in my own denomination, I see few homes for the elderly, few recreation centers, little to no church-financed housing development and few viable church-operated businesses that might employ members or generate some tangible measure of return on years of investment. I scratch my head at the multimillion-dollar edifice a local church recently erected and wonder if that is the most responsible stewardship for a church in a community filled with poor families.
I have come to see the countless annual meetings and church assemblies, camouflaged as worship services, as little more than fundraisers and quasi-fashion shows with a dose of spirituality. I am disheartened by the territorialism of churches, vying for control and membership, as a deacon at a Baptist church said to me recently, in much the same way as gangs, rather than seeing themselves as communal partners in a vineyard with one Lord and a single purpose.
But even in an age of preacher as celebrity, it is not the evolution of a Bling Bling Gospel that most disheartens me. It is the loss of the church's heart and soul: the mission to seek and to save lost souls through the power of the Gospel and a risen savior. As the homicide toll in black neighborhoods has swelled, I've wondered why churches or pastors have seldom taken a stand or ventured beyond the doors of their sanctuaries to bring healing and hope to the community -- whether to stem the tide of violence and drugs, or to help cure poverty and homelessness or any number of issues that envelop ailing black communities.
Once, after a service at my grandfather's church in a small western suburb of Chicago, I mentioned to a visiting pastor that there was a drug and gang war going on in his community. "I don't know nothing 'bout that," he responded. I wondered why not. How could he not know about something that affected a community in which he was a "shepherd"?
When I returned to Chicago nearly five years ago, after living in Northern Virginia, where I worked as a reporter at The Post, I was eager to assist in the ministry at my grandfather's church. Within a few months, however, it became apparent to me that there was little serious interest among the leadership in connecting to the local community -- aside from the idea that they might potentially fill the empty pews. And I decided to leave, though not without first having many conversations with my grandfather about the implosion of church ministry.
And further contributing to my disappearing act is that, after being put down and put upon in a society that relegates black men largely to second-class status, the last place I want to feel that way is at church. And yet, in the church, where I have at times in my life felt the most uplifted, I have at other times felt greatly diminished, most often by insecure leaders. If such leaders feel threatened by your ability to speak or preach or teach better than they, or by the fact that you think differently from them, or by the fact that you possess some other social badge they do not-- like a college education -- then they perceive you as stealing a little of their sheen in the public's eyes. And you become subject to the same kind of shunning and subtle disconnection that I have seen and known in the professional world.
By the summer of 2002, there had been a myriad hurts and disappointments to accompany my disillusionment. When the then-pastor of my Chicago area mega-church responded to my inquiry about not being able to reach him for weeks, I was already bending in the wind.
"Do you have a cell phone?" he asked during a follow-up telephone conversation to a letter I had sent him.
"Yes," I answered.
"Then let me ask you something, John," he continued. "If you had a problem with your cell phone and you called SBC, would you expect to reach the CEO?"
His words blew me away.
Given the state of black men in America, given the number in prison or jail or headed that way; given the thousands of us who find our way to early graves and the black men on the other side of the guns who send us there; given the number of us who seek solace in a bottle of liquor or in illegal drugs; given the number who silently cry ourselves to sleep at night, it seems that we would make for a plentiful harvest for a church really seeking souls.
I suspect, however, that as long as our wives, our children and our money flow through the church's doors; as long as there are still a few bodies to fill the seats; as long as the church can claim a semblance of relevance to the community; as long as some of us on the outside loom as potential critics of the direction, heart and stewardship of those black men charged with leading the church, very few are likely to ever come looking for us.
I could be wrong. My criticism might be too harsh. But it is no harsher than my pain.
And so I have taken some solace in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who, more than 40 years ago in his "Letter From a Birmingham Jail," wrote that the church was in danger of being "dismissed as an irrelevant social club." "In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church," he lamented. "But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church."
So do I.
And come Sunday mornings, especially on Sunday mornings, I miss the rev of the organ. I miss the spiritual song drifting through the sanctuary. I miss the sight of the gray-haired church mothers in their Sunday regalia and their warm embrace after service. I miss the sound of a spirit-filled choir whose song can be a salve to a hurting soul. I miss the beauty of worship, of lifting my hands in the awesome wonder of fellowship with my sisters and brothers in Christ gathered in the house of God with my family.
"Imani, have you said bye to Daddy?" my wife called to our daughter.
"I already did," she answered.
Actually, we hadn't said goodbye. A few minutes earlier, I had called her upstairs and given her a dollar for Sunday offering and hugged her tight, unable to address her question about why Daddy doesn't go to church anymore.
Perhaps I will explain one day. Or perhaps I won't have to.
Are Black Women Scaring Off Their Men?
Another very thought-provoking article....
http://www.timbooktu.com/jamal/scaremen.txt
Here's a response to this article....
http://www.timbooktu.com/jamal/goodblkf.htm
http://www.timbooktu.com/jamal/scaremen.txt
Here's a response to this article....
http://www.timbooktu.com/jamal/goodblkf.htm
Monday, July 18, 2005
FAMILY PRIDE
FAMILY REUNION:
This past weekend my family reunion took place at Anacostia Park in D.C. It was nice to be around family (you know, that one time per year that a slacker like myself is around) and see everybody again. I couldn't help but feel like I am an underachiever when it comes to staying in touch with family and strengthening bonds with my family members. Am I so busy that I can't keep in touch with my own blood? Why do they love me so unconditionally even when I haven't seen or talked to many of them in a year's time?
That's LOVE!
It's funny how even though some members of my family don't get along with one-another, everyone seems to be able to get along with me. I can't help but wonder sometimes if this is because I'm removed from family functions to the point where everybody just likes me by default b/c they don't know me well enough to see something that they may not like. Not that I think I am a bad person by any means, but I sometimes wonder if I came to more family functions and did more stuff with my family...Would I be in one of the family "cliques"?
I love my family and I was happy to see that everyone was there and having a good time, even if it did seem a little sectioned off (if you know what I mean). But the two constants in my family are my mother and grandmother. Grandmom is the pillar of the family. She holds everything down, organized all the events, rewards the kids with Certificates of Accomplishment for good grades, cooks, directs her family helpers, and makes sure we're all having a good time.
My mother is like her understudy. She's grandma's wing-woman. Whenever you can't talk to grandman you can talk to cousin-/aunt-Joyce. And my mom is always moving at 100 miles per hour in an effort to make sure everything is in order and everyone is enjoying themselves. I admire this in my mother. She makes sure everyone else is having a good time before she thinks about herself. The wonderful thing about it is that my mother can still see someone who intends to take advantage of her kindness from a mile away. Saavy, strong, intelligent, giving, and happy. Those are the things that come to mind when I think of my mother and grandmother. What more can you ask for?
First Time Car Buyer:
Also this weekend, my younger brother went to North Carolina with my stepdad and bought his first car. 2002 Honda Accord with all the nice amenities a young man wants in his ride. I am happy for him beyond explanation! I know how I felt the day I bought that crappy 1994 Ford Taurus (my first car). What's great about my brother's situation is that he got a good car at a good price and it'll probably last him a lot longer than that Taurus lasted me (rest in peace...LEMON!).
He's coming to Bmore today to sign-up for his courses at Morgan in the fall. He said he'll stop by my job to let me see the car. But something tells me he'll head straight to Morgan and let the ladies see what's he's pushing now...I don't mind at all (I remember those days).
I'm proud of him. Quite proud. He doesn't know it yet, but one day he'll be doing better things than me and he'll surpass me in his accomplishments in life. That's the day I'll really feel like I did my job as a big brother.
This past weekend my family reunion took place at Anacostia Park in D.C. It was nice to be around family (you know, that one time per year that a slacker like myself is around) and see everybody again. I couldn't help but feel like I am an underachiever when it comes to staying in touch with family and strengthening bonds with my family members. Am I so busy that I can't keep in touch with my own blood? Why do they love me so unconditionally even when I haven't seen or talked to many of them in a year's time?
That's LOVE!
It's funny how even though some members of my family don't get along with one-another, everyone seems to be able to get along with me. I can't help but wonder sometimes if this is because I'm removed from family functions to the point where everybody just likes me by default b/c they don't know me well enough to see something that they may not like. Not that I think I am a bad person by any means, but I sometimes wonder if I came to more family functions and did more stuff with my family...Would I be in one of the family "cliques"?
I love my family and I was happy to see that everyone was there and having a good time, even if it did seem a little sectioned off (if you know what I mean). But the two constants in my family are my mother and grandmother. Grandmom is the pillar of the family. She holds everything down, organized all the events, rewards the kids with Certificates of Accomplishment for good grades, cooks, directs her family helpers, and makes sure we're all having a good time.
My mother is like her understudy. She's grandma's wing-woman. Whenever you can't talk to grandman you can talk to cousin-/aunt-Joyce. And my mom is always moving at 100 miles per hour in an effort to make sure everything is in order and everyone is enjoying themselves. I admire this in my mother. She makes sure everyone else is having a good time before she thinks about herself. The wonderful thing about it is that my mother can still see someone who intends to take advantage of her kindness from a mile away. Saavy, strong, intelligent, giving, and happy. Those are the things that come to mind when I think of my mother and grandmother. What more can you ask for?
First Time Car Buyer:
Also this weekend, my younger brother went to North Carolina with my stepdad and bought his first car. 2002 Honda Accord with all the nice amenities a young man wants in his ride. I am happy for him beyond explanation! I know how I felt the day I bought that crappy 1994 Ford Taurus (my first car). What's great about my brother's situation is that he got a good car at a good price and it'll probably last him a lot longer than that Taurus lasted me (rest in peace...LEMON!).
He's coming to Bmore today to sign-up for his courses at Morgan in the fall. He said he'll stop by my job to let me see the car. But something tells me he'll head straight to Morgan and let the ladies see what's he's pushing now...I don't mind at all (I remember those days).
I'm proud of him. Quite proud. He doesn't know it yet, but one day he'll be doing better things than me and he'll surpass me in his accomplishments in life. That's the day I'll really feel like I did my job as a big brother.
BOXING ONE-ON-ONE: Hopkins vs Taylor
As much as I hate to admit it, Bernard Hopkins lost that fight Saturday night. He wasn't beaten badly or even convincingly in my mind, but he was beaten. Going into this thing, I definitely thought he would win a close fight. I had never seen Jermain Taylor fight but I'd heard lots about his power and his "bad intentions". But Saturday night I got to see him bring out those bad intentions.
The kid can fight! With every round I gained more respect for him. Hopkins did his usual thing and laid back for the first half of the fight waiting for Taylor to tire. But this kid tired almost at the end of the fight. He was the agressor for the majority of the fight. Hopkins took over as the aggressor toward the latter rounds.
But in the end, the kid had shown enough to the judges in the first few rounds to win the fight on a split decision. He deserved it. He fought hard against a proven champ and dominated.
Check out a recap of the fight.
I bet this rematch will be really bloody!
The kid can fight! With every round I gained more respect for him. Hopkins did his usual thing and laid back for the first half of the fight waiting for Taylor to tire. But this kid tired almost at the end of the fight. He was the agressor for the majority of the fight. Hopkins took over as the aggressor toward the latter rounds.
But in the end, the kid had shown enough to the judges in the first few rounds to win the fight on a split decision. He deserved it. He fought hard against a proven champ and dominated.
Check out a recap of the fight.
I bet this rematch will be really bloody!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
DEDICATION: Luther Vandross
As a child who grew up in a household where my mother was a HUGE Luther Vandross fan, I gained an indirect appreciation for his music at a young age. This was the time when "Big Luther" was in full effect. Singing his way into the hearts of most women I knew. The man was simply "THE MAN" back then. I can remember my mother singing Luther and Freddie Jackson all the time.
Luther Vandross recently passed (not a newsflash, you'd have to be under a rock not to have heard about it) and it was good to see how much people showed love and appreciation for what he had done during his lifetime.
So, like those people, I show my appreciation for Luther's soulful sounds:
Luther's Music
Luther Vandross recently passed (not a newsflash, you'd have to be under a rock not to have heard about it) and it was good to see how much people showed love and appreciation for what he had done during his lifetime.
So, like those people, I show my appreciation for Luther's soulful sounds:
Luther's Music
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
How far are WE from London?
What I mean is, are we next? I know we have not had many bombings where people get on buses or trains and blow things up, but I haven't heard of that happening in London before either. That is, until last week.
Article on London bombings
So my question is, how far are we from London?
Article on London bombings
So my question is, how far are we from London?
Monday, July 11, 2005
Tight CDs...
R&B...Anthony Hamilton (SOULLIFE)
Hip Hop...Cassidy (I'm a Hustla)
Hip Hop...Cassidy (I'm a Hustla)
I'm getting old...
My homeboys are getting married left and right...My homeboys are having kids...I am really starting to like the club atmosphere less and less.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
More important than that...I am now completely comfortable with spending a Friday or Saturday night in the house. AND, I'm comfortable waking up every Saturday morning and cleaning up my crib. WTF?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Somebody send me back to 1997 or 1998...PLEASE!!!
"Have you seen my childhood?" - Michael Jackson
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
More important than that...I am now completely comfortable with spending a Friday or Saturday night in the house. AND, I'm comfortable waking up every Saturday morning and cleaning up my crib. WTF?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Somebody send me back to 1997 or 1998...PLEASE!!!
"Have you seen my childhood?" - Michael Jackson
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
PHOTOS: Fourth of July Weekend
This weekend was filled with a lot of activities and a lot of fun. Friday night, T and I went to the movies and caught Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This movie was okay. A bit unrealistic towards the end where they're in the middle of a gun-fight and seemingly performing ballet moves while killing tons of people. It was a bit much for me, but overall it was a pretty good movie. I can't hate on it and tell you not to see it.
Saturday B, Kev, and I held the Sweetest Taboo party at B's place. The theme of the party was a dessert party along with Taboo! (the game). The turn-out was less than expected (shocker) but the dozen or so people who came had a good time. Shot out to everyone who came. Shot out to Kev on the punch and B on the wings!
Sunday morning T and I went to church with JRock. First time I've been to church in a minute. They have a nice church (the Metropolitan Baptist Church in D.C.) and the service was nice. Afterward we all went to brunch at Potowmac Landing in Virginia where we met up with a bunch of other friends and had MIMOSA's (YES!!!!) and a brunch buffet. This brunch was to congratulate my man JRock on his engagement. Congratulations again homie!
Here's a picture of Teia before we left for church Sunday morning...
After brunch, T and I hit the road for Williamsburg, VA for two days at Busch Gardens and Water Country. It took us about 3 hours to get there and once we arrived and checked in at our hotel, we headed straight for Busch Gardens to get on some rides. I now realize that I enjoy riding roller coasters much more at night than during the daytime. There's something a little more scary/exciting about riding at night and not really knowing what's coming up next. Sunday night was cool. We rode the Big Bad Wolf and the Alpengeist (my favorite at Busch Gardens, Williamsburg).
Monday (July 4th), we went to Water Country USA once we got up and checked out of the hotel. Water Country was actually a pleasant surprise for me. The last time I was there I thought it was a tad bit small, but they must have added some attractions since the last time I was there b/c it definitely seemed bigger. We hit the wave pool that they have there. I thought T was gonna drown a couple times (JOKE) out there, but aside from that, it was fun! And of course, we got on several water rides. Being out in the sun for so long kinda beats up on you so eventually we got some frozen lemonade and found some seats in the shade. "Chillin in the shade, drinking a lil lemonade"...Shot out to Dougie Fresh...We left Water Country and headed to Busch Gardens for the remainder of the day. We hit up all the rides we missed the prior day and watched the fireworks show.
Here are some pictures:
Got me petting this big-a$$ horse. Fellas, I was scared as hell. I can't even front!
Teia making some wine...
Busch Gardens had a VERY nice fireworks show. This was another pleasant surprise. I was impressed.
Overall it was a VERY nice weekend! Seems like the summer is almost over. Or maybe it's just me. I've got a decent amount of plans to look forward to before Labor Day so I should enjoy summer and then...."Dear Summer, I know you gon' miss me..."
Saturday B, Kev, and I held the Sweetest Taboo party at B's place. The theme of the party was a dessert party along with Taboo! (the game). The turn-out was less than expected (shocker) but the dozen or so people who came had a good time. Shot out to everyone who came. Shot out to Kev on the punch and B on the wings!
Sunday morning T and I went to church with JRock. First time I've been to church in a minute. They have a nice church (the Metropolitan Baptist Church in D.C.) and the service was nice. Afterward we all went to brunch at Potowmac Landing in Virginia where we met up with a bunch of other friends and had MIMOSA's (YES!!!!) and a brunch buffet. This brunch was to congratulate my man JRock on his engagement. Congratulations again homie!
Here's a picture of Teia before we left for church Sunday morning...
After brunch, T and I hit the road for Williamsburg, VA for two days at Busch Gardens and Water Country. It took us about 3 hours to get there and once we arrived and checked in at our hotel, we headed straight for Busch Gardens to get on some rides. I now realize that I enjoy riding roller coasters much more at night than during the daytime. There's something a little more scary/exciting about riding at night and not really knowing what's coming up next. Sunday night was cool. We rode the Big Bad Wolf and the Alpengeist (my favorite at Busch Gardens, Williamsburg).
Monday (July 4th), we went to Water Country USA once we got up and checked out of the hotel. Water Country was actually a pleasant surprise for me. The last time I was there I thought it was a tad bit small, but they must have added some attractions since the last time I was there b/c it definitely seemed bigger. We hit the wave pool that they have there. I thought T was gonna drown a couple times (JOKE) out there, but aside from that, it was fun! And of course, we got on several water rides. Being out in the sun for so long kinda beats up on you so eventually we got some frozen lemonade and found some seats in the shade. "Chillin in the shade, drinking a lil lemonade"...Shot out to Dougie Fresh...We left Water Country and headed to Busch Gardens for the remainder of the day. We hit up all the rides we missed the prior day and watched the fireworks show.
Here are some pictures:
Got me petting this big-a$$ horse. Fellas, I was scared as hell. I can't even front!
Teia making some wine...
Busch Gardens had a VERY nice fireworks show. This was another pleasant surprise. I was impressed.
Overall it was a VERY nice weekend! Seems like the summer is almost over. Or maybe it's just me. I've got a decent amount of plans to look forward to before Labor Day so I should enjoy summer and then...."Dear Summer, I know you gon' miss me..."
Friday, July 1, 2005
Weekend is near
It's Friday. This is probably my favorite day of the week. Not really sure why though. Maybe it's just knowing that I don't have to come back to work for a couple days. Maybe it's because I usually do something fun on Friday night with T or with the fellas. I've never really given it much thought though. Just enjoyed it.
Why do you love FRIDAY?
Today I'm doing much of the same. Enjoying that it's Friday and I know I'll be havnig lunch at Fortunato Brother's Pizza in Towson (this is religiously an every Friday event for my co-workers and I) and I'll be going to the movies tonight with T.
T.G.I.F.!!!
Why do you love FRIDAY?
Today I'm doing much of the same. Enjoying that it's Friday and I know I'll be havnig lunch at Fortunato Brother's Pizza in Towson (this is religiously an every Friday event for my co-workers and I) and I'll be going to the movies tonight with T.
T.G.I.F.!!!
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