R. Kelly, man of many talents....

"Take me to your special place, close your eyes let me see your face..."

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If this outfit doesn't tell you that R. Kelly is not your typical person, then I don't know what could have clued you in. Perhaps the fact that he's went delusional on-stage, written some of the most freakily funny songs evAr, and relieved himself on an under-aged princesss of promiscuity. Needless to say, there were some signs that this guy wasn't working with a full deck of cards.

As the video below shows, aside from all his other talents, R. Kelly also knows how to keep his pimp hand strong [||]. I assume that though he castigates and threatens his "girl" in this video, he'd never put his hands on an actual woman in real life. I mean, this is just a video. Speaking of, he's pretty good at videos, isn't he? Whether he's trapped in the closet or trapped in his own porno, Mr. Kelly is probably more likely to put his hands on a video-camera to adjust the shot so you can see him performing sexual acts on an under-aged girl than he is to put his hands on a woman in an physically harmful manner. All bark, no bite (unless it's in the bedroom). More likely to hit a girl or urinate on a girl? You know how I'm voting.

Nevertheless, R. Kelly keeps it trill and represents for all the guys out there who need to exert expletive-laden, half-sensible, verbal castigation in order to feel a sense of control and authority in their relationships. Please believe that this guy keeps his verbal abuse game as strong as Barry Bonds on the cream and the clear. There's no better way to feel like a man, right? Anyway, check it out for yourself (as if you haven't seen this already).


You've gotta enjoy how he starts off by saying he's NOT going to argue and then proceeds to do pretty much just that for about 3 minutes. I'd like to hear her side of this "not-an" argument. Full disclosure, it's her legal right.

My personal favorite lines:

• "Is you TWEAKIN?"
• "The next time your azz get horny, go fock one of your funky azz friends! Hell you probably already doing that shyt anyway!"

Indirectly asking your girl if she's on drugs and accusing her of sleeping with one or more of her girlfriends, that's how you solve a relationship problem. Take notes fellas. Even though it's probably not too far off to think that Robert telling her to sleep with one of her friends is really a ploy to get himself in a ménage, this probably isn't the way to go when your girl thinks you've been doing some foul ish. You know what they say, the guilty ones always speak up or get defensive. Then again, they tell you that the quiet ones are the ones to watch out for. Who are they, and what do they know anyway?

In the end, I think most men (including myself) have at the very least felt this way and (possibly) acted this way at some point in time. That is to say, disrespectfully getting your point across to someone you presumably/supposedly care enough about to have thought about what you were about to say prior to saying it. Right? Anywho, my main point is that R. Kelly's got to be close to 40 years old now and if this is part of his "real" life that's being reflected through his music, isn't it kind of time to grow the fock up? Seriously.

Granted, I am not even close to being his age so I can't say that I could begin to understand how a 40 year-old, rich, famous, tantric, alleged child molester feels. At least not yet. Ha! Although I hope to never see the last 3 things on that list. No matter how much exposure and laughter this video gets, I just can't see myself at 40 years old cursing out my wife/girl like that. And do think I'll be steppin' foot in anyone's club as a married 40 year-old? I doubt it, unless my wife/girl is with me. So whether you can relate to this bowlshyt or not you have to realize that this is a prime example of why artists nowadays are pretty much actors and completely reckless with the power their voices have (no disrespect to Mos Def). "Real Talk" is the type of shyt some 18-30 year old boy/guy/man might do (and I wish I was stretching it by saying 30 year-old, but I'm not). Not a 40-year old grown-azz man. Yet Robert Kelly will sit back and let you believe that this is how he acts. Perhaps it is though. And if so, that's sad.

Don't be fooled! This type of song/shyt is not conducive to helping Black male/female relations at all. As if it's not already enough focked the fock up shyt between Black males and females, people (like me, LOL) find it entertaining to watch R. Kelly curse out a woman who literally has no voice (in the song or the video). But as one of the most controversial and at times captivating people in music today, he sure does have a voice that spreads widely [||]. And even after sprinkling all over a 12 year old, our dumbazzez are still listening and being "entertained".

And to think the same man who made this song is the man who said he's the modern-day Martin Luther King. Just in case you forgot:

"I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."

Like the greats. Riiiiight. I won't even begin to talk about how even comparing himself to Marvin Gaye and Bob Marley is out-of-place. If you don't know why already, you've completely missed the point.

For some REAL "Real Talk", check Mos Def: