Friday, April 24, 2009

Examining Rick Ross-isms: Mafia Music

If you've been following Rick Ross since the whole 50 Cent vs. Rick Ross beef started then this will entertain you. Otherwise, it probably won't, lol. I'm going to go through Ross's album track-by-track (each with its own post) and ponder the crazy things Ross says.

Before I start I want to give the disclaimer that I really enjoy "Deeper Than Rap" and up to this point I think it's the best album to drop this year. But I can't go without pointing out some of the ridiculous stuff this guy says. Without further adieu I present (BAWSE!)...

Mafia Music - Rick Ross

Having a job pouring tar "up on" a roof: I would imagine this builds character and the tough work would provide most of us with an impetus to do *something* else. Perhaps rap. Or sell drugs. Or become a C.O.

Making so much paper that you've got women taking photos naked: I cannot relate to this type of talk. I probably won't ever be able to. However, I'd guess that most guys that read this will have taken a pic or two of a naked female without so much more than a trip to Friday's, some smooth talk, and 3.2 sprays of some celebrity-endorsed cologne. Fellas, keep it real! You know I'm accurate here (not that I have done that type of shenanigans).

Being turned on by rumors so much so, that you masturbate "at the top" and "hoes so excited" they "catch every drop": What exactly is the top in this context? The top of rumor circles, rap in general, his house? Nevertheless I find this shockingly believable because if Ross has enough paper to make women take photos naked (how much money would you require from Rick Ross to take a naked pic for him, hmmmmmm?) then what's the difference between that and having enough money for them to catch every drop (eeeeewww)? You'd think that if a woman was going to watch this guy rub one out from the "top" then she's already given way to the fact that his money is relentless in its sexiness and she would hence be turned on enough to go ahead and pull a Superhead and catch those falling drops (I cringed writing that). Pardon my crassness on everything prior to this sentence.

Giving a chick to the block after you eff one time: I thought guys usually let the block smash at the same time they did, not pass a chick off. I'm sure Ross has ran his share of trains so I would have expected something a little more over-the-top instead of this. But dealing with women like Tia (the block could be 50 Cent in her case) and "Brooke", nothing is taboo.

Dropping another album for your dogs so you can buy 10 Maybachs for them to ride in: This is actually one of my favorite lines in this song. Ross is probably just dumb enough and self-absorbed enough to do this. But I like the point he's indirectly (and perhaps unintentionally) making about loyalty to his friends (aside from the obvious gloating about frivolous spending). If I could have, I would have had all my boys go to college with me, build a business together, and eat crab meats while wearing the "delicates of fabrics". That's BAWSE ish.

Having a Farrakhan aura: Do I even need to comment on this? So you want to be creepy but still manage to pilfer $1,000,000+ from the Black community with no accountability whatsoever and then try another march a decade later in hopes of pulling the same stunt? Ross clearly has some serious intestinal fortitude to pull this line out. And pausing on the pork was obviously something Ross didn't start until recently.

Question: Is killing people when you're bored > Effing people's lives up for fun?

Giving a girl 100 stacks, breaking up, and letting her keep it: You d@mn fool! This is similar to Ross wanting to buy Maybachs for his boys but much more lame. I can only relate to this in terms of pancakes (yes, pancakes!). If (over the duration of a relationship) I cook a chick 100 pancakes and we break up, I'll be pissed because of all that work I put in. But 100 stacks of money means I will be at her door waiting for her to come home to get my ish back. "I knew it wouldn't work, I just like to give". Ain't that some bullshyt!

Eating crabmeats! This one is so much my favorite that I may just buy AND Seriously, "crabMEATS"!!! That is classic! Besides that, only people from Maryland (my home state, no shots) and Rick Ross think that crab meats are high-society eating. Next thing you know he'll be be talking about eating venison like that's special. I can see this fool now: "I got so much bread these hoes wanna eat/Venison tastes good, but still ain't crabmeats!"

Next Up - Maybach Music 2...

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