My "Get Rich Quick" Scheme

Living in Bodymore, Murdaland and having two friends who work for Baltimore city child support, I've heard some crazy stories about baby daddies and baby mommas and the whole issue of child support. Nothing specific, but just some general craziness.

But you know me, I'm always one to try and look out for our people. Sooooooo, I've come up with an idea that will not only get me rich QUICK, it will help alleviate the problem of baby mommas figuring out who their baby's fathers are.

My Idea: THE E-PATERNITY TEST

How it works:

1. Visit my website and register. No URL right now, this is just an idea at this point people! But it'll probably be something like www.CatchHisAss.com or www.NeedMyTubesTied.com or www.MyBabyNeedsADaddy.com

2. Submit potential baby daddy picture:



2. Submit baby picture. And not the one with the corn-rows or the buck-naked bathtub shot...A nice Olan Mills or Segal Majestic joint!



3. Once the two images are submitted, my high-quality image super-positioning system will use NANO-TECHNOLOGY (tech buzz word, venture capitalists will go crazy over this) to superimpose the two pictures and verify baby-daddy-ness. Check out the prototype below (may take a second or two to load):



4. Once our system has either identified the man in quesiton, you'll receive one of the following messages.

For men:
"YEAH NI99A, THAT'S YOUR D@MN KID! Pay up!"
"Can't hide no more homie! Come off that cash"
"Should have strapped up FOOL!"
"18 years, 18 years! And on the 18th bday found out it's YOUR KID!"

For women:
"It's him GIRL! Go downtown and fill out the paperwork."
"Nope, it's not A.I.'s baby! But you can still get a lil cash from this FOOL."
"Yeah, it's him. But next time keep your d@mn legs closed! Your kid didn't ASK to be here!"

4. Once you've received one of these messages, print it out and bring it with you to your local child support office. The rest will be up to you and your friendly child support officer.

Disclaimer: People, this is just a joke. Don't take it too seriously! For those of you with the permanent stick up your a$$, the pictures above are of me so you don't have to wonder who that guy is and who that baby is.